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| ||6||Part 6: Magic Mushrooms|
"Daniel, what are you eating?" Jack glared at his companion, now munching on something with a suspiciously phallic appearance.
"What? You mean these?" Daniel held up a handful of the small pieces. "Don't you remember, Jack? We found these, um, oh, I don't know...about 5 or maybe it was 6 planets ago. Quite tasty. You've been eating them too."
Just then the clomping sound of horse hooves thundered nearer towards the two men and they turned towards the sound's source.
"Jack," Daniel started, his mouth falling open as he gaped at the hideous creatures descending rapidly on them.
"Get down!" Jack yelled as he grabbed Daniel's arm, pulling them both to the ground. Daniel cursed as his beloved mushroom snack spilled over them.
"God, Jack! Look what you've done!" he spat angrily, his words drowned out by the shrill cry of the winged horse-like creatures soaring above them. He ducked as one of them swooped towards him, narrowly avoiding its claws.
"Shit! What ARE those things?"
"They look like...oh, crap!" they flattened themselves against the dirt beneath them as another animal soared low. "Jack! They look like Ringwraiths."
"You've gotta be kidding me! What the hell is going on here?"
"I was just thinking how the hippogryph reminded me of those things from 'The Lord of the Rings'."
"Daniel! Stop it! Stop thinking about them!" Jack's voice sounded hoarse from yelling.
Just as a Ringwraith dove towards them, Daniel covered his face with his arms, pushing the creatures out of his vision, willing them to disappear. Jack fell on top of him, shielding the younger man with his own body, pressing his face against Daniel's neck.
Stunned by the sudden silence, Jack cautiously raised his head. The Ringwraiths were gone.
"Something's not right in Denmark."
"You can say that again! What happened to the little rabbit anyway?"
"Daniel! Don't say it! Don't even THINK it! Aw, crap, too late!"
Once again, the white rabbit raced by them frantically, looking worried, and exclaimed, "Dear me, I'm late!"
| ||5||PART 05: Daniel meets a new friend.|
by Debi C
The black dog came out of the bushes carrying a dead creature between its jaws. As it approached the hippogryph, it morphed back into the rather disreputable human that had spoken to them earlier.
Jack looked at him curiously as the man went up to the creature that was obviously waiting to be fed. "Find a ferret?"
"No, unfortunately, just a rabbit." He laid the dead animal on the ground in front of his mount. The hippogryph snorted at the offering and gave him a dirty look. "Sorry, Buckbeak. No ferrets available. You'll just have to
make do." The creature gave him a baleful glare and began to feed picking at the carcass with his beak.
Daniel watched then curiously. "I wasn't aware that you could ride a hippogryph. I thought they were...well, I'm not sure what I thought
you could do with them."
Sirus looked at him and nodded. "That's the hippo part, hippo meaning horse. The Griffin is a carnivore. You have to keep them happy or
they can rebel."
Jack nodded. "Sort of like a great big Rottweiler."
"Exactly." The other man nodded. "I great big hungry Rottweiler."
Daniel looked at him eagerly. "Will he let me pat him?"
The rider nodded. "Come up slowly next to me. I'll guide your hand."
Jack started to object. "Daniel, please don't touch the hippogryph. You know what happens when you do things like that."
"Oh, it's perfectly safe." Sirus nodded to the younger man. "As long as I'm here and he doesn't reach for the rabbit."
As Daniel stood next to Buckbeak and stroked the muscular furred shoulder and feathered wing, he spoke in a soft voice. "Hello, Buckbeak. We're
peaceful explorers from Earth. I'd like to be your friend. You are really a handsome hippogryph."
"Daniel, that line is getting kinda old." Jack groused as he watched his Archaeologist carefully. "Be careful there, will ya. That's not a mastage or a camel, ya know. You could lose a hand."
The other man spoke to Jack. ""I say, have you seen a castle or palace or fortress around here?"
"No, actually, we've only just arrived ourselves...." Jack started to explain, indicating the Stargate behind them with his thumb. "We're trying to get back to our own...distant land."
"Do you know the DHD coordinates for your er, distant land?." Sirus asked.
"No, we uh, got sidetracked by some attacking Jaffa and...."
"Jack played Russian Roulette with the glyphs." Daniel finshed, looking accusingly at his partner.
"Oh, that's too bad." Sirus started. I can give you the point of origin glyph for this planet, but I can't help otherwise."
Suddenly, from out of the forest, they heard the sound of horses approaching...at least it sounded like horses. It could have been the
sound of hollow coconut shells being clapped together.
| ||4||PART 04: There Are Other Things That Fly|
Jack shook Daniel awake and whispered, "Company."
The archeologist blinked a few times before quietly sitting up and
looking toward where the colonel was pointing.
There was a shabbily dressed man wearing what appeared to be the
of an old-style black-and-white striped prison uniform, sitting on a
very strange animal, in the middle of the yellow brick road.
"Pardon me," the man said, "but would you happen to have any dead
ferrets? He's rather partial to them," indicating the beast with an
"Fresh out -- sorry," replied Jack.
"Oh, well," the man sighed, "I suppose I'll have to track down some
myself. Mind you don't get too close; he doesn't like strangers." He
jumped from the animal's back, morphing to a large black dog before
hitting the ground and bounding into the bushes.
"Daniel, what is that?" Jack said, pointing to the beast in the road.
"Uh, I'm not sure, Jack."
"Give me your best guess."
"I, uh, think it's a hippogryph."
"That doesn't tell me a whole lot. Is it dangerous?"
"Well, it's definitely carnivorous."
"How about aggressive? Is that thing going to attack or not?"
"We should be safe if we don't frighten it."
"YeahSureYouBetcha What about DoggieMan?"
"No idea, Jack. Or rather, too many -- though most of those are wolves
-- except the Chinese have legends about foxes --"
"Just give me the high points."
"I'd really need to research it, Jack."
Just then came a rustling in the bushes.
| ||3||PART 3: Keeping an Eye on the Monkeys |
"No." Jack said decisively. "It was a man in a rabbit suit."
Daniel shook his head wearily. "Too tall to be a man."
"Well then, maybe it was a vertically challenged man in a rabbit suit, Daniel," Jack snarked. "God, but I have a headache."
Daniel stopped scrubbing at his own aching forehead and stared hard at Jack. "You do?"
"So do I...and it makes me wonder." He gazed up at the dusky sky. "Jack, when was the last time we stopped to rest?"
"I dunno," Jack muttered as he sat down on the steps to the Stargate. "A couple of planets ago, maybe."
"More like four or five planets ago," Daniel corrected. "Maybe weíre both hallucinating because weíre tired and hungry. Letís find a place to set up the tent and build a fire. I donít know about you but Iím starving."
"Works for me."
They moved away from the yellow brick road that led to the Gate and headed toward a grove of trees. Secretly Daniel was glad they hadnít come across a poppy field or seen any flying monkeys. Heíd always been scared of those monkeys.
"Huh," Jack said cryptically when they found a likely place in a clearing. "Thatís better."
"Whatís better?" Daniel asked as he pulled out the tiny two man tent he carried.
"We have a little cover here, in case of..."
They said the next words together..."Flying monkeys!"
Their supper wasnít inspired, seeing as how it came out of a foil pouch, but it was hot and filling. By the time Daniel was finished with his share, he was yawning widely.
"Iíll take first watch," Jack offered, sitting down beneath a tree.
This was one argument he never won, so Daniel just nodded in agreement. The evening was warm and sticky; the humidity in the air must have been close to 100 percent. Daniel eyed the tent with distaste.
Jack stretched out his legs with a sigh. "Come over here," he said softly. "Itíll be too hot in the tent."
Daniel didnít have to be told twice. He went and sat cross-legged beside Jack.
"Oh, like youíre really going to get some sleep sitting there like that," Jack said after another huge yawn from Daniel. "Come *here.*" He patted his own thighs.
"We donít...not planetside," Daniel objected and then wondered why on earth heíd done so.
"Do you see anyone else around?"
Daniel grinned and shook his head, "Not a rabbit or monkey in sight." He stretched out with his head in Jackís lap. The stars overhead glowed faintly pink, but Daniel didnít mention it. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply. After a long day of planet hopping, Jack smelled a bit gamey, but to Danielís mind it was a good smell.
"Perv," Jack whispered softly down at him.
Daniel fell asleep with the grin still on his face.
|||J. M. Griffin|
| ||2||Part 2 - Not in Kansas anymore|
*** *** *** ***
The moment Jack walked out of the gate, he definitely knew this wasn't Kansas. And it wasn't the Gateroom either.
Daniel was standing at the DHD, looking towards Jack... no, not looking... glaring would fit the bill much better. Someone else might not think so, but this definitely was a Daniel-glare. A most annoyed one to be precise.
Taking his time to walk towards Daniel, Jack glanced around a little. Earth-like planet, sure, but why was the ramp to the gate all covered with yellow bricks? And why was the backside of the DHD sparkling like some shattered mirror?
"That's not the Gateroom, Jack."
"I noticed," Jack answered. "So why didn't it work?"
"I don't know. I didn't dial."
"Well, then. Start finding out how to get home from here," Jack said.
"Get on with it, Dannyboy... I'll just look around and see if there's anything."
"What do you expect, Jack? Some little alien girl telling you which way is home?"
As if on cue, something white peeked out from the nearby shrubbery, straightened up, looked at Jack and Daniel, then took out a watch from its pocket and looked at it. With a simple, 'oh dear, I'm late', it ignored Jack's risen gun as well as Daniel's stare and hoppled off towards the next treeline.
Still staring, Daniel simply said, "Was that a bunny wearing a suit?"
| ||1||Part 1 - Follow the White Rabbit.|
"Just so we understand whose fault this is," Jack grumbled as they
watched the sixth chevron shift into place.
"Yours?" Daniel hit the seventh glyph and watched the 'gate spin again.
"No," Jack scowled at him. "Guess again."
Jack never managed to counter as the seventh chevron locked and the
result was ...nothing.
"Uh, Jack," Daniel began.
"What?" Jack sighed. Back to square one.
"Ya' think?" Jack snorted. "What was your first clue, Daniel?"
"Um... no wormhole?"
"Good instincts, never could fool ya, huh?" Jack asked scornfully.
"I thought you'd approve." Daniel shrugged, watching the non-existent
wormhole as if staring at it would make it pop to life.
"So, Einstein, what now?" Jack asked.
Daniel cross off the last symbol on one list and started a new one.
"We try again," he offered. He glanced over at Jack who was busy
pressing symbols on the DHD. "Don't you normally tell *me* not to
touch anything, Jack? What are you doing?"
"Winging it," Jack happily replied.
"Jack, that's how we got here in the first place," Daniel warned him,
trying to bat Jack's hands away from the symbols, but getting nothing
out of it save getting pinned against the DHD, Jack continuing his
"So, now maybe we'll get home. The 'Scientific Method' isn't cutting
it," Jack sniffed, nose to nose with Daniel, waiting for the 'gate to
spin into action.
"Jack!" The Gate swung into position and connected with the usual
loud ker-woosh. "What did you do?"
"I don't know. Who cares? It worked, didn't it?" Jack snerked at
Daniel, still not budging one inch.
"I do, who knows where it goes? We aren't going to get anywhere doing
the 'gate version of Russian roulette," Daniel huffed as he tried to
get a good look at the glyphs over Jack's shoulder "What was the last
one you pressed?" he asked stiffly.
Jack shrugged and finally backed off Daniel, starting for the
wormhole, completely sure that Daniel would be hot on his heels.
"Does it really matter so long as it's not here?" he threw over his
Daniel glanced down and then looked back up. "Well, at least
something worked," he muttered to himself. He sighed and picked up his
kit. "You first, though."
"Nuh-uh," Jack said, waiting for Daniel at the top of the dais, the
shimmering light casting strange shadows over his face. "It's your
"I went first last time," Daniel argued, giving Jack a stubborn stare.
"Perfect. You should be all rested and ready to go," Jack said,
gesturing at the wormhole.
"Jack..." Daniel warned, eyebrows dipping down, probably to add a
little menace to it, but Jack just thought it was cute. Not that he'd
tell Daniel that.
"It's only fair, I dial, you go first. You dial, I go first," Jack
said as if that was the only logic way of doing it.
"I am *not* going first. Besides, you're the one with the gun,"
Daniel said, pointing at the weapon in question.
Jack grabbed Daniel's pack, handed him the gun, and pushed him towards
the wormhole. "Follow the rabbit, Dannyboy."
Without a second look behind, he followed Daniel into the vortex.
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