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Client satisfaction is our first priority. Edward J. Chandler, Esq. is a trial lawyer ready and able to litigate to conclusion when settlement is impossible. However, the objective is to avoid litigation by employing alternative mechanisms for dispute resolution whenever possible. He regularly participates in mediation with a high degree of success.
He believes in individualized representation because he understand that each situation is unique. Each case is a commitment which is taken seriously. His clients' goals becomes his priority.
Edward J. Chandler, Esq. strives to be available on a daily basis, to be responsive to his clients, and sensitive to their needs. All inquiries are answered and all important decisions are made together with his clients.
Every attorney and every law firm has its own legal philosophy. It is important that you choose attorneys to represent you who have a philosophy with which you are comfortable.
A High Quality Result....
I view myself as a problem solver, whose main goal is to help you resolve your legal issues as quickly and efficiently as possible. I seek to obtain a legal result that is suited to your needs, while thoroughly addressing the issues in your case.
I attempt to achieve that result at the lowest cost possible. I realize that litigation is expensive and that people need to save their money to invest in their future and the future of their children. However, I also believe it is important to achieve a sound legal result that will not create more litigation down the road. I aim to resolve all the legal issues that can reasonably be decided at the time of representation so you can turn your attention and financial resources to other matters.
It is important to invest an adequate amount of money at the outset. Sometimes people try to avoid the expense of litigation and end up with a legal result that is not only less than satisfactory, but may be more expensive to fix in the long run. It is expensive to re-litigate issues that were not properly resolved the first time. There are some legal decisions that cannot be "undone" once they are made. Therefore, it is crucial that you be willing to make the investment necessary to achieve a high-quality result.
It's About People..... You & Your Family
Money, of course, is not the only issue involved in litigation. A significant part of our "problem solving" philosophy is about people. I realize that divorce and custody fights are emotionally difficult for everyone. People, especially children, are often deeply scarred for years by the ugliness of legal battles. One of my primary goals is to achieve the best result with as little nastiness as possible. Sometimes litigation is the only effective way to achieve the result that is in the best interests of you and your family. However, it is not my goal to litigate when a high-quality settlement can be reached in other ways.
Attorneys are expensive....
I take very seriously both our obligation to utilize your resources wisely and my intention is not to make you and your children "victims on the battlefield." I believe that it is in my interest to practice according to this philosophy. A law firm’s reputation is important. In the end, if you’re satisfied with the legal services you’ve received, you’ll be more likely to recommend us to your family and friends.
The new 2008 Florida law requires Parenting Plans for all divorcing couples with children. It starts October 1, 2008. Florida law public policy is to keep both parents in frequent and continuing contact with their children after divorce. Parenting issues are divided into three categories: parental responsibility, time sharing and support.
The time sharing section of your parenting plan spells out when the children will be with each parent. Courts have "model schedules" for visitation.
Parenting plan issues:
Transitions - Pick up and Drop Off - Which of you is driving? If you use school as the transition point, what happens when school is not in session?
Holidays and Special Occasions - Will these days be treated differently than the usual time sharing and have a separate schedule? Are school holidays that are not public holidays included in this part? How will both parents receive notice of special school events?
Transfer of Belongings - Will toys, clothes, backpacks and other property of the children transfer between homes (if so, how and when) or will both parents have these items? What happens if a needed item is not transferred?
Right of First Refusal - If the other parent cannot personally attend to the children in that parent's designated time sharing period (due to illness, travel, etc), does the other parent have the right of first refusal? How long a period must it be before the right of first refusal applies - overnight, four hours, 24 hours?
Notice of Whereabouts - When does information have to be provided to the other parent if the children will not be at the usual location? When and how will the other parent be notified? This could include leaving the county, being out-of-county overnight, leaving the state, etc.
Shared Parenting Contact and Guidelines
Determining parent access to children is one of the most difficult and problematic areas of divorce. It often contributes significantly to parent conflict and litigation. Yet, there is a limited amount of empirical research on the most appropriate arrangements for children. There is no single time-sharing arrangement that has been determined to be optimal for all children. Thus caution is important in proposing a specific visitation arrangement.
The circumstances of each family are unique, however, and recognition of their unique circumstances is central to making good parenting choices. Moreover, as will be discussed below, the leading experts in the field agree that “one size fits all” approaches to developing parenting arrangements are inappropriate and may be harmful to some families. It is NOT the purpose of this review to establish a single standard or “best” parenting arrangement. The results of social and behavioral research are necessarily generalizations and should not be automatically applied to individual families. These generalizations inform the choices of individual families and the way legislation is framed. These guidelines offer “customized” recommendations for the numerous special situations that may exist in particular families.
Research does not reveal any particular residential schedule to be most beneficial for children. There are no significant advantages to children of joint physical custody, but also no significant disadvantages to children of joint physical custody or of any other residential schedule. The weight of evidence, however, also does not suggest that, absent parental conflict, high levels of contact between the child and the parent are harmful to children. Parental conflict is a major source of reduced well-being among children of divorce. Research indicates that joint physical custody and frequent contact between the child and the parent have adverse consequences for children in high-conflict situations. While age and developmental needs may be important factors in determining access, they are not the only factors that may be considered. Other factors are also important such as:
• the psychological attachment of the child to the parent
• the manner in which child-rearing tasks have been shared
• the consistency and predictability of the scheduled time-sharing
• the child’s temperament, resilience, and resourcefulness
• the child’s ability to handle change
• the parents’ work and work schedules.
The following suggestions are merely guidelines that reflect that children’s needs vary from birth through adolescence. These guidelines are based on the child’s age and changing developmental needs. They take into account attachment, children’s sense of time, the importance of maintaining attachment over time, the need for children to have contact with parents, the needs for children to have relationships with peers, teams, clubs, and school, etc.
There are also certain assumptions that are made in recommending the following guidelines; that is
• the child has a bond with both parents
Shared Parenting Contact and Guidelines
INTRODUCTION
Determining parent access to children is one of the most difficult and problematic areas of divorce. It often contributes significantly to parent conflict and litigation. Yet, there is a limited amount of empirical research on the most appropriate arrangements for children. There is no single time-sharing arrangement that has been determined to be optimal for all children. Thus caution is important in proposing a specific visitation arrangement. The circumstances of each family are unique, however, and recognition of their unique circumstances is central to making good parenting choices. Moreover, as will be discussed below, the leading experts in the field agree that “one size fits all” approaches to developing parenting arrangements are inappropriate and may be harmful to some families. It is NOT the purpose of this review to establish a single standard or “best” parenting arrangement. The results of social and behavioral research are necessarily generalizations and should not be automatically applied to individual families.
These generalizations may usefully inform the choices of individual families and the way legislation is framed. It is beyond the scope of these guidelines to offer “customized” recommendations for the numerous special situations that may exist in particular families.
While age and developmental needs may be important factors in determining access, they are not the only factors that may be considered. Other factors are also important such as:
• the psychological attachment of the child to the parent
• the manner in which child-rearing tasks have been shared
• the consistency and predictability of the scheduled time-sharing
• the child’s temperament, resilience, and resourcefulness
• the child’s ability to handle change
• the parents’ work and work schedules. The following suggestions are merely guidelines that reflect that children’s needs vary from birth through adolescence. These guidelines are based on the child’s age and changing developmental needs. They take into account attachment, children’s sense of time, the importance of maintaining attachment over time, the need for children to have contact with parents, the needs for children to have relationships with peers, teams, clubs, and school, etc.
There are also certain assumptions that are made in recommending the following guidelines; that is
• the child has a bond with both parents
• both parents have adequate capacity to parent
• both parents have the desire and the time to interact with the child regularly
• both parents can provide for the child’s physical needs and emotional needs
The evidence reviewed here does not reveal any particular residential schedule to be most beneficial for children. Research clearly suggests, however, that parental conflict is a major source of reduced well- being among children of divorce.
Age Birth to 6 months
DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR CONTACT
Children between birth and the age of 6 months develop a strong bond with at least one person. This is called attachment. Bowlby (1973, 1982) first proposed attachment theory and Ainsworth (Ainsworth et al, 1978) completed empirical testing of his theory. Attachment provides the framework for relationships and explains why the disruption of the bond between the primary caregiver and the infant can result in problem behavior. Disruption can occur through loss and /or separation from the primary caregiver or even the threat of separation and loss.
Infants begin to attach to caregivers at approximately 6 months of age. Attachment develops slowly over the first year and is determined by the quality of the interaction between the adult and the child, not just by who feeds and changes diapers. It includes interest and attention through smiling, reaching, cooing, touching, etc. It is clear that children do not just attach to one person. However, there is controversy over whether children have a tendency to form a single “primary” attachment, regardless of how many other attachments they form. (Warshak, 2000; Solomon, 2005). Visitation schedules must insure that children have the opportunity to establish and maintain such attachments as well as insure that existing attachments are not disrupted or threatened.
Know How Your Child Grows
A.
Normal Developmental Stages:
Eating, sleeping, and routine are primary needs of children this age. Stability in caregivers and routines, particularly in eating and sleeping, are critical. Predictability, consistency, and stability of help to establish security and reduce tension and anxiety.
Attachment begins at this stage. Bowlby (1969) suggested that between birth and two months is the preattachment stage. The infant responds to any adult. However, by six months, the infant will recognize familiar caregivers and be wary of unfamiliar people. Some of the developmental tasks of infancy between birth and six months include:
1. Physical Development
a.
Infant begins to sit up
b.
Reaches with both arms
c.
Can hold objects 2.
Cognitive (Mental) Development
a.
Starts to explore things by taste
b.
Seeks visual stimulation
c.
Protests if needs are not met
Social Development
a.
Smiles, laughs b. Knows the difference between parents and strangers c. Gestures to be picked up 4. E motional Development a. Need to attach b.
Need for nurturing, love, affection, and attention
CONTACT FOR BIRTH TO SIX MONTHS
One of the most important considerations is for attachment with both parents. It is important for visitation to provide opportunities to establish a bond between the child and the parent. Generally, frequency of visitation is given more consideration than duration of visitation. Making up for less frequent visits by increasing the length of time of visits is not recommended for infants (Hodges, 1991). Skafte (1985) recommended daily visits, but if this is impractical, then visits should be spaced no more than two days apart. Overnight visits are not generally recommended (Hodges, 1991; Biringen, et al, 2002).
There is research, however, to show that overnight visits with the parent can occur, provided that the parent has been a significant caretaker and a primary attachment figure (Warshak, 2000). Suggested: Daily visits of 1 to 3 hours WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER
• Keep sleeping and eating arrangements consistent and stable.
• Since children this age develop and change rapidly, communicate frequently with one another about eating habits, elimination, health, medicines, new behaviors, sleep patterns, etc. Use of a tablet for written communication and accessible to each parent is often a useful way to provide this information.
• Share favorite toys, blankets, etc.
• Furnish pictures of one another to have in each home.
AGE 6 Months through 18 Months
Children at this age continue to establish attachment. They begin to show stranger anxiety and apprehension. Even though an infant may have shown no signs of being upset previously, the child will now cry when the parent leaves. This starts at about 9 months and may continue until about 2 years old. Separation from one of the parents during this period might cause impairment to the attachment process (Horner and Guyer, 1993). Children continue to need familiarity and predictability. Children need love, attention, talk and play.
KNOW HOW YOUR CHILD GROWS
A. Normal Developmental Stages: Children this age continue to grow rapidly, particularly in their mobility. They crawl, stand, and walk. Although the child will explore the environment and begin to assert himself, the parent must still provide for structure, predictability, and familiarity that will help to build trust and security. Children desire more independence, but continue to need the security of the attachment figure. Negative behaviors may appear between 15 and 18 months. The child may become more demanding, erupt in tantrums, and begin to say “no.” There is an emerging sense of self as well as fear of loss of the attachment. Since anxiety begins, it is especially important to maintain regularity in the visitation and to insure that the visitation does not involve long separations (Ram, Finzi, and Cohen, 2002).
Physical Development a. Walking, running, climbing b. Can throw an object c. Can grip a crayon and scribble 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Begins to speak b. Learns by exploring c. Can follow a simple direction 3. Social Development a. Copies and imitates b. Waves goodbye c. Responds to verbal request 4. Emotional Development a. Separation anxiety begins b. Exhibits a temper when frustrated
CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD AGE: Six months through Eighteen Months Since separation anxiety begins during this period, the issue of visitation is especially important. How often and the length of time of each visit depend, in part, on the prior contact of the child and visiting parent. If the parent has participated in, then visitation can be greater in duration and more frequent. Otherwise, short but frequent visits are suggested. Skafte (1985) recommended that no more than 2 or 3 days pass without the parent visiting. Solomon and George (1999) found that a repeated overnight separation from the primary caretaker was associated with disruption in attachment. Overnight visits, while still controversial at this age, are sometimes recommended, again, dependent on the amount of, involvement, and availability of the visiting parent (Warshak, 2002). Suggested Visits: 1 to 4 hours every other day
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER • Maintain a routine, especially in eating and sleeping, in each household • Use a communication log, or notes to inform one another of new behaviors, habit changes, • Patience, as well as firm and consistent limits are necessary • Share favorite toys, blankets, stuffed animals, etc. • Provide familiar articles, pictures, etc. for each household • Insure a safe environment and supervise the exploring child • Try to spend some time of a visitation doing a care taking activity in the home of the primary caretaker (such as feeding, bathing, bedtime) AGE 18 Months to 3 Years Children at this age continue to explore and establish increasing independence and mobility. These are “toddlers” that will start to become individuals and begin to establish some separateness from their parents (Sroufe, 1979). Children continue to require consistency and firmness from parents. They can remember people they have not seen for days, so children can tolerate longer times between visits.
KNOW HOW YOUR CHILD GROWS A. Normal Developmental Stages: Toddlers between the ages of 18 months and 3 years significantly improve their communication skills, begin to toilet themselves, eat with use of a spoon and fork, play by themselves, and become somewhat more resistant and self-centered. They may refer to themselves by name, all part of becoming separate from their parents. They are often easier to discipline through humor and distraction. 1. Physical Development a. walks well, goes up and down stairs b. attempts to dress self c. becoming independent in toileting and eating 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Says words, phrases, and simple sentences b. Avoids simple hazards c. Understands simple directions 3. Social Development a. May refer to self by name b. Can play alone 4. Emotional Development a. Self-centered, possessive, often negative b. Enjoys affection c. Often resistant to change
I. CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD AGE: 18 Months to 3 Years Children this age can handle visitation that is less frequent than for infants. Visits should continue to be consistent and frequent. At 18 months a child can visit for several hours at a time and research supports an overnight visit in the older children in this category Skafte (1985) believed that full weekends were too long for three years olds. Long visitations and travel to distant geographic locations are not recommended (Hodges, 1991). Suggested Visits: One weekend day, including overnight; two weekdays for 3 hours. For example, Saturday, 10 AM to Sunday, 10 AM and Every Monday and Wednesday, 5:00 PM to 7:30 PM.
II. WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER
• Insure safety in the environment
• Make sure that overnights include the bedtime routine similar to that practiced in the primary residential home • If a parent has not had regular visitation because of geographic distance, then visitation should be short, regular visits for part of the day in the custodial parent’s location • Communicate through use of a log to provide feedback to the other parent on changes in habits, new tasks, etc. • Have some of the child’s favorite things available in each home Age 3 to 5 (The Preschool Child) Preschool children enjoy predictability. They like fairness and well-defined and consistent guidelines set by parents. Visitation needs to follow these same tenets.
Know How Your Child Grows AGE: 3 through 5 Years A. Normal Developmental Stages: Preschoolers have large vocabularies and show significant growth in their communication. They can tell simple stories, ask endless questions, and are interested in their environment. They have a more secure and greater sense of personal identity.
They move from play by themselves to cooperative play and begin enjoying the company of others. They are beginning to be adventuresome, but need controlled freedom. They are eager to carry out some responsibility and feel pride in their accomplishments. Routine and consistency continue to be very important. 1. Physical Development a. Runs, climbs b. Begins to ride tricycle, similar vehicle c. Begins to write own name 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Communicates well verbally b. Asks questions c. Tells simple stories 3. Social Development a. Seeks peer interaction b. Talkative, versatile c. Cooperative play 4. Emotional Development a. Likes to follow rules b. Enjoys responsibility
CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD
AGE: Three through Five YEARS Preschoolers are more aware of the differences between parents. Although they can tolerate overnight visits developmentally, parent conflict may interfere significantly with visitation and smooth transitions. Parents need to make greater effort to insure that preschoolers witness appropriate behaviors between parents. Suggested Visits: Every other weekend and one weekday overnight, i. e., Every Thursday overnight and every other weekend, Friday to Sunday, 6PM. Or, Every Thursday overnight and Every other weekend, Friday to Sunday overnight. During the summertime, preschoolers may be ready for a full week visitation.
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER
• Provide mementos, including photos, from each other’s homes
• Become involved in preschool and increase access through activities
• Provide a lot of reinforcement and opportunities for approval and recognition
• Insure that transitions from one home to another are smooth and without conflict
• Make sure that the child calls the other parent daily
AGE: Six through Eleven Years
SPECIAL DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR CONTACT (Ages Six years to Eleven years)
Children between the ages of six and eleven are focused on becoming hard- working and independent.
Achievement in school tasks and acceptance from their peers, therefore, is critical. Parents must be certain that visitation schedules are consistent, predictable and organized (Amato 1991).
This will allow the child to focus on the very important school and social tasks that are foremost in their life at this stage. Children of this age are developing moral reasoning, and socializing independently for the first time. Attending and becoming involved in school and extra-curricular activities are important, and must be encouraged by both parents during their contact time with the child/ren. Between the ages 6½-8, children will often openly grieve for the departed parent. Children have fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce. Between the ages of 8 and 11, feeling of anger and a feeling of powerlessness are the main emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, children at this age experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. Research by Lerman (1989) explores the adjustment of latency age children finding that children who believe that they were rejected from the absent parent was a significant predictor of a child’s self-esteem. There is a greater tendency this age children to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent. At this age children may attempt to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs. (Wallerstein 1989)
Know How Your Child Grows A.
Normal Developmental Stages: Children are in a psychosocial age of industry where they want to please their parents with their efforts. They are developing their ability to think logically, and are beginning to understand the concept of fairness. Moral reasoning is beginning and children are concerned with rules. They have a growing awareness of right and wrong. Independent thinking starts, and becomes more constant along with predictable feelings. Social feelings are developing and children can begin showing empathy and sympathy for others. 1. Physical Development a. Growth is slow and steady. 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Moving toward understanding abstract ideas. Things are often “black or white” - there is very little middle ground. b. Look to adults for approval. c. Like encouragement and suggestions for improvement. d. Need Opportunities to share thoughts and reactions. e. Thinking is concrete, but beginning to think logically 3. Social Development a. Like to join organized groups. b. Beginning to take responsibility for own actions. c. Decision-making skills are being developed. 4. Emotional Development a. Strong need to feel accepted and worthwhile. b. Beginning to build and understand friendship.
Know How Your Child Grows
SIX to EIGHT YEARS 1. Physical development a. Physical play very lively; sporting skills develop quickly 2. General behavior a. Bathes, dresses, sleeps, and eats well; talks to strangers; takes part in team sports; drawings show some proportion and perspective. 3. Language a. Reads with understanding; learns spelling and grammar; starts to add and subtract two or three digit numbers and multiply and divide single digit numbers. 4. Typical personality a.
Self reliant, sociable and outgoing; active; may be critical of others.
Know How Your Child Grows
NINE to ELEVEN YEARS 1. Physical development a. Skilled with hands and fingers; special skills such as in sport and music become evident. 2. General behavior a. Well behaved; works or plays hard; self-sufficient and may enjoy being alone. 3. Language a. Masters basic techniques of reading, writing, adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing; reads stories and writes brief letters to relatives. Page 16 16 4. Typical personality a. Sensible; self motivated; may be shy in social situations; may talk about sex information with friends; interested in body organs and functions; less afraid of dark; not afraid of water. 5.
Common normal ‘problems’ a. Worried and anxious; has physical complaints such as stomachaches and headaches when has to do disliked tasks; rebels against authority; sex swearing beginning; perseveres with tasks. After Divorce Needs In terms of divorce, children of this age wish their parents to reunite (90% of seven- year-old children) and may still attempt to reunite their parents. They fear losing both parents and may still blame themselves for the divorce. They often react to the divorce with sadness. It is common for children of this age to have difficulties concentrating in school because they are thinking about the loss and reunification and they may have some academic risk. Children of this age can typically move between two homes with minimal stress. Most children at this time need a home base where they can work on basic academics, do homework consistently and have their friends easily available. They need routines and schedules. Children in grades 1-3 are often more able to interact with a same-sex parent around hobbies, interests and feelings than younger children who depend on basic care. For primary school age children, the parenting schedule should minimize the interference with peer relationships. To do otherwise may cause your child’s resentment and rejection. Divorce at this age group can cause confusion and some feelings of blame. Children’s initial concern is who will be there for them. They are concerned about basic needs such as where they will stay. They need a feeling of security at home in order to deal with issues at school or with friends. (Bauserman 2002)
Divorce brings many challenges to children of this age. Younger school-age children tend to feel the loss of the family as a unit and may experience sadness and crying. Older children in this age group may be more likely to experience anger and choose one parent over the other as a way to hold on to their self- esteem and relationships. Your child may feel directly responsible for your divorce, especially if she is put in the middle of your conflict. Some children will show more severe symptoms, including tantrums, regression, sleep problems, behavioral and academic problems in school, withdrawal or aggression with peers, and depression. (Buchman, Maccoby and Dornbusch 1996) Some of these children do not want to grow up, and instead remain emotionally immature. Children in this age group believe in fairness and want to please their parents. They may feel overwhelmed by your conflicts and try to fix them, yet they cannot. If one of the parents is depressed, your child may try to take care of that parent’s emotional problems. • Exchanges should minimize your child’s exposure to conflict. School or other neutral places are excellent transition places between Mom’s house and Dad’s house. • You must find ways to keep your children out of the middle of your conflicts. Do not have your child deliver messages to the other parent, or ask your child to tell you what the other parent is doing. Communication needs to be between the parents only, even if this requires help from a neutral professional. • To the extent you can, there should be a plan for co-parenting. If your conflict is more extreme, a pattern of parallel parenting and avoidance of each other is best
CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD
AGE: SIX through Eleven YEARS 1. Every Other Weekend (Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m.) 4/28 overnights In a review of a decade of research Kelley (2000) cites the benefit of being close to each parent. This option establishes 12 days separation from the second parent. Divorce research indicates that this is often too long for many children, and may diminish the second parent’s importance to the children – with fewer opportunities for involvement in their day-to-day, school and homework activities. (Shafke,1985) In addition, this option provides little relief to the first parent from children responsibilities. This option may be preferred, however, given the parents’ history of involvement, available time for parenting, present parenting resources or, as a transitional approach to timesharing. Every Other Weekend plus Midweek Visit (Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m., with every Wednesday 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.) 4/28 overnights Every Other Week (Friday 6:00 p.m. to following Friday 8:00 a.m.) 14/28 overnights This parenting plan option creates seven days separation from the other parent, often quite difficult for children younger than six or seven years of age. It eliminates the opportunity for face-to-face parental conflict by minimizing transitions, and allows both parents and mature children to “settle” into a routine. The children’s switching residences can, of course, complicate management of scheduled lessons, activity commitments and daycare arrangements. Note: changing households on Friday after school often works better than on the traditional Monday after school approach (allowing for a “winding-down” at the time of transition, rather than requiring “gearing-up” at that time). Serious reservation of this seven-day option must be given in cases involving parental alienation. Summer Vacations When parents live in separate communities, it can be difficult to plan a schedule. If you have a long- distance relationship, your child will need to be in one home during the school year, and visit the other parent during non-school time. Consider the travel time and your child’s age and activities when you develop your schedule. If you are the “summer parent,” try and spend some time with your child every three months. If your child is young, you might need to do most of the traveling. Once your child is old enough to travel alone, it is still important to visit the child at least once or twice a year. Use three-day weekends for monthly contact during the school year if you live close enough, or longer holiday breaks such as Thanksgiving or Easter if you live farther away. If you are the “school year parent” and live a long distance from the other parent, try and enroll your child in a year-round school. This allows for more frequent travel to be with the other parent, yet won’t take the child away for as long as the traditional summer break. Consider the day-to-day activities in both communities, since working parents need daycare or planned activities when children come to visit. Your child is likely to do well if your child has all but one week of each break with the long-distance parent. That leaves the child some time to be with friends in the child’s home community and time for vacation trips with each parent. If your child is in a typical school-year/summer-vacation schedule, your child is likely to have two weeks of vacation at Christmas, another week or two during the spring or near Easter, and about twelve weeks off in the summer. If the child is under age eight, consider having an equal split of the Christmas break, and most spring breaks with the long-distance parent. Try breaking up the summer into three segments: the first and third with the long-distance parent and the middle one with the home parent. This may prevent the child from feeling homesick during the child’s trips. If the child is older and used to being away from home, the child might do well spending most of the summer with the long-distance parent, assuming the child enjoys it there and has a good relationship with that parent. Both of you need to consider the child’s interests, summer camp desires, and vacation needs as you develop your plan. (Lye1999) WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER Children of this developmental stage benefit from parents who: Make sure your child knows which parent will be picking them up and taking them home. If both parents will be attending an activity, allow the child to visit with both parents during that event. Develop a system where both parents are informed of school conferences, and extra-curricular activities. 1. Establish a homework routine, with assistance as necessary. Be sure to pack all books, school projects, uniforms and extra-curricular sports gear. Establish with the other parent the procedure for when children leave any of the abovementioned at the other parent’s home. Decide who will be responsible for getting this to the child. 2. Establish a consistent homework time, bedtime, and mealtime at both homes. Attempt to provide similar diet at both homes. Television, computer, and playtime should be consistent. Agree on similar punishments for poor academic progress and unacceptable behavior. 3. Allow the children to have telephone access to the other parent when they desire. Be considerate of when you call the children, as not to interrupt bedtime or wake-up routines. If needed establish a schedule for the other parent to call.
AGE: 11 through 18 Years
SPECIAL DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR CONTACT Children between the ages of 11 and 18 usually seek more independence as they get older and prefer to do more things with less adult involvement. This pattern becomes more obvious as the children age. As children move through this stage, a good balance of supervision and flexibility is essential. Parents must be sure that visitation schedules are flexible and consider the natural tendency of the child toward increased independence from both parents. As children become more active in school and social activities, visitation likely will need to be reviewed and even restructured from time to time.
Know How Your Child Grows A. Normal Developmental Stages: Children in this age range are called “adolescents,” with 3 different stages as described below. Generally, adolescents move through the following tasks during this period: Establish a sense of autonomy (self-sufficiency) and personal identity; Achieve emotional independence from parents and other adults; and Begin process of individuation (separateness) from immediate and even extended family. 1. Physical Development a. If puberty has not occurred yet, it likely will occur during this period, bringing rapid changes and “swings” in the child’s hormones and emotions, together with common physical changes of puberty. b. As physical development proceeds, especially sex-related physical changes, the child will likely want more privacy. Boundaries regarding physical contact by parents may occur. For example, the parent’s hug that once was natural and welcomed by the child may now be met with a very different response, including withdrawal and even some rejection. 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Concrete initially, more capacity for abstract thinking develops throughout adolescence b. Greater critical thinking that may result in frequent comparisons and evaluation of others’ behavior, appearance and preferences (including parents) with child’s own preferences. c. Brain development continues; for much of this period, the portion of brain that supports rational judgement, organization, emotional understanding and decision-making is not fully developed. 3. Social Development a. Peer relationships take on a much greater importance. b. Increasing independence from family is sought and demanded. c. Though focused on independence, still concerned with meeting parents’ expectations and need assistance in coping with age-related demands. d. Increased interest in sexual matters and sexual identity. 4. Emotional Development a. Increased ability for introspection (self-examination and understanding). b. Identity formation occurs as the child explores various alternatives and makes choices that affect self-concept. Identity formation may include sexual, ethnic and career aspects. For some adolescents, this can be a time of role or identity confusion. c. Puberty and incomplete brain development may result in significant emotional volatility (“moodiness”) and, in some cases; this moodiness may be or seem extreme.
11 TO 13 YEARS (EARLY ADOLESCENCE)
1. Physical development: Sexual characteristics of puberty occur or continue to develop; boys typically have higher physical self-concept (recognition of physical ability) than girls. 2. General behavior: Behavior largely decided by or compared to friends and schoolmates; social interaction outside of family more important; as part of individuation, children will more often challenge parents’ values and authority. Girls tend to feel better about themselves in social situations than do boys. Same-sex peer groups are more important than opposite sex. 3. Language: Reads with greater understanding; may use language and abstract thinking to write about and report on emotional experiences. 4. Typical personality: Peer relationships and acceptance become increasingly important; complaints about parental restrictions and supervision increase; mood swings common; may vary between need for and rejection of parental affection and expectations. 5. Common or “normal” problems: forgetfulness; minor rebellion against parental rules and restrictions; lack of organization regarding school and home spaces (messy room, locker and/or desk)
14 to 16 YEARS (MIDDLE ADOLESCENCE) 1. Physical development: Puberty completed or nearly completed. 2. General behavior: Increased romantic and/or sexual feelings toward others; Mixed-sex group activities increase; Self-centered; undecided at times regarding issues of separation and independence. Wants greater role in decision-making on issues affecting them. 3. Language: Increased use of language to report on emotional experiences and complaints. Prefer to communicate with peers over parents; may increase use of computers and other technology to maintain regular communication with peers. 4. Typical personality: Increasing efforts to achieve independence from parental restrictions and rules; attempts to bargain regarding attendance at social activities; critical thinking patterns may result in frequent judgments and “black and white” evaluations of issues. Page 21 21 5. Common normal ‘problems’: May begin to associate greater physical maturity with adulthood, leading to increased risk for harmful or premature behaviors; parent-child power struggles, especially around issues such as dating, curfews, household chores and driving privileges. Experimenting with drug and alcohol use and/or sexual behaviors; incomplete understanding of impact of potentially unsafe behaviors (sex, drugs, alcohol,).
17 to 18 YEARS (LATE ADOLESCENCE) [Note: actually through Age 20] 1. General behavior: Increased romantic and/or sexual feelings toward others; Individual relationships with others begin to become more important than peer groups; frequently challenge parental authority and restrictions. 2. Typical personality: Self-centered idealism; right and wrong thinking, begins to become more other-oriented. Mood swings of puberty and early post-puberty may stabilize somewhat. 3. Common normal ‘problems’: School (including college planning) and social activities may compete, causing stress; experimenting with drug and alcohol use and/or sexual behaviors; incomplete understanding of impact of potentially unsafe behaviors (sex, drugs, alcohol, reckless driving). After Divorce Needs The needs of adolescents after divorce depend, in part, on whether divorce occurs during this stage or occurs earlier in their development. If the divorce occurs at this stage of development, the need for some structure, consistency and reassurance of each parent’s involvement is more important. Anger and blame may be common as adolescents become more judgemental. However, as children move into and through adolescence, they may become more focused on the “fairness” of a plan for parental contact and they will likely consider it “fair” to include them to some extent in plans that are made for where they will spend their time. Whether or not parents are married or divorced, adolescence is a time of increasing importance of peer relationships, social activities and independence, a fact that must be considered in any after divorce family. Parents must be ready to: support their teen’s attempts to achieve developmental tasks; accept the teen’s beliefs, feelings and attitudes without being judgemental; set appropriate limits on behavior but not on those beliefs, feelings and attitudes; foster empathy with the teen by remembering (not necessarily reciting) your own feelings and behaviors as a teen; allow their teen to be different than the parent is or was at that age or now; acknowledge and support the teen’s need for independence and autonomy.
CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD FOR ALL ADOLESCENTS:
Perhaps more than any other age range, and particularly in later adolescence, the flexibility recommended in the literature makes a strict schedule difficult and even harmful to the adolescent’s development, in some cases. Longer vacations or contact periods, more creative time-sharing alternatives, and even equal time-sharing may be options, depending on the particular needs of a child and the relationship established before the divorce. All contact arrangements should be negotiated in good faith, keeping in mind your child and the special developmental tasks of adolescents. The suggestions that follow, as mentioned in the introduction, cannot be viewed as appropriate for each situation and each child.
11 TO 13 YEARS (EARLY ADOLESCENCE)
Every Other Weekend (Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m.) Many adolescents prefer one primary home (in a large part to avoid confusion for their friends), and only wish to spend weekends or evenings with the other parent. Much of this will depend on the history of the relationship and the availability of the parent to meet their needs. Every Other Weekend/only one weekend overnight (Friday after school to Saturday 6:00 p.m.) or (Saturday noon to Sunday 6:00 p.m.) Adolescent children often have multiple projects and school assignments requiring their effort, as well as a number of options for peer-group contact on weekends. Parents may consider structuring weekend overnight visitation on an evening when it is more likely that the child will not have to decline social invitations. Phone calls should be encouraged and permitted at all reasonable times. Some contact should occur each week or, at a minimum, every other week. If the child is not used to having individual and continued contact with the nonresidential parent, consider allowing a friend to join the child on some occasions. Other contact: If at all possible, offer your child some input into the planned summer vacation contact schedule. Offering a choice between two equally appropriate options can give a child a feeling of some control over his or her time, meeting their need for greater independence. If an extended summer stay with the non-residential parent is likely, that parent should make efforts in advance to locate social and recreational outlets for the child. During extended time away from either parent, phone calls and email exchanged with that parent may be helpful. This communication should not focus on negative messages about either parent. School breaks of one week or more should be structured in a way that takes into account the needs of the child noted above.
14 TO 18 YEARS (MIDDLE AND LATE ADOLESCENCE)
Weekly contact: Contact should occur each week. Contact should be structured with some consideration of child’s school and social activities. During earlier stages, consistency and predictability are very important; at this age, some flexibility by each parent becomes more important. Older adolescent children often have multiple projects and school assignments requiring their effort, as well as a number of options for peer-group contact on weekends. Parents may consider structuring weekly contact on a day when it is more likely that the child will not repeatedly have to decline social invitations. Overnight stays may become increasingly uncomfortable for older adolescents, especially older adolescent girls staying with fathers with whom they have not had open communication and interaction prior to or during the divorce. For this reason, shorter periods of contact should be considered as an alternative. To avoid frustration, it is helpful for the child and both parents to keep a calendar that outlines visitation as far in advance as possible and be prepared for reasonable changes to be requested by the child. If child requests additional contact with non-residential parent, contact should be permitted. Phone calls and appropriate emails, text messages, and other forms of communication should be encouraged and permitted at all reasonable times. Due to reported and researched risks associated with teenagers who drive without adult supervision, transportation to and from the non-residential parent’s home should be coordinated and completed by parents whenever possible, whether or not your child has a driver’s license. This requires that parents are courteous to and respectful of each other as the transfer occurs. If the child is not used to having individual and continued contact with the parent, consider allowing a same-sex friend to join the child on some occasions. Other contact: If at all possible, offer your child some input into the planned summer vacation contact schedule. Offering a choice between two equally appropriate options can give a child a feeling of some control over his or her time, meeting the need for greater independence. Some children as young as age 14 may view summer as a time to earn extra spending money through part-time work. Some consideration should be made for this possibility. School breaks of one week or more should be structured in a way that takes into account the child’s increasing movement toward independence. While you still are the child’s parent and have a valuable relationship with your child, the real fact is that most children at this age become less and less interested in having long discussions and extended contact with their parents. Particularly as a child moves into late adolescence, parents may find the child is increasingly occupied with peer and school activities, leaving only occasional time available to spend with either parent, regardless of their designation as the residential or parent.
Compensate for changes in physical contact by liberal use of phone calls, messages that do not require a response but offer the child encouragement, limited text messages (if parent views a cell phone as appropriate for his or her child), e-mails, greeting cards, notes and letters.
Interventions for Children of Divorce: Custody, Access, and Psychotherapy, 2nd Edition Chapter: Visitation/Parent Access: Patterns and Problems. © 1991 William F. Hodges
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S CONTACT WITH NON- RESIDENTIAL PARENT EASIER Children in adolescence benefit from parents who both: Commit to be and are flexible about visitation and understand their child’s need for greater time with peers and social activities. Though a regular contact schedule appears to encourage more frequent non- custodial parent contact, adolescents report a very strong preference for flexible, unrestricted access. Offer and accept a greater role by children in determining some details of contact with the secondary residential parent, while continuing to encourage a relationship with each parent as much as possible. Work diligently to be cordial to one another and minimize conflict. Do not use adolescents as messengers for information or couriers for documents and records. Parents should work to create a co-parenting relationship that includes respectful discussion and cooperation as it relates to their roles as parents. Plan for activities that offer some social stimulation to the child; adolescents frequently report being “bored” when their time with the non-custodial parent consists only of “watching TV” or “talking.”
PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE 2.1 Weekday and Weekend Schedule. For examples of possible parenting time schedules, see the Shared Parenting Contact & Access Guidelines.
A. The child(ren) shall spend time with on the following days and times: (name of parent) WEEKENDS: { } every { } every other { } other (specify from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to OTHER:(specify) B. The child(ren) shall spend time with : (name of other parent) (Choose one) { } At all times not specified above, or { } On the following days and times: WEEKENDS: { } every { } every other { } other (specify) from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to OTHER:(specify) C. Check box if there is a different parenting time schedule for any child. Complete a separate Attachment for each child for whom there is a different parenting time schedule. Label it Attachment 2.1(C). You may use the same format as above. { } There is a different parenting time schedule for the following child(ren) in Attachment 2.1(C): , ,and (name of child) (name of child) (name of child) 2.2 Summer Schedule. (Choose one) { } The summer schedule will remain the same as during the school year. { } The summer schedule will remain the same as during the school year, except for the following vacation times:
A. The child(ren) shall spend time with on the following times: (name of parent) WEEKENDS: { } every { } every other { } other (specify): from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to OTHER: (Specify) B. The child(ren) shall spend time with : (name of parent) (Choose one) { } At all times not specified above, or { } On the following days and times: WEEKENDS: { } every { } every other { } other (specify) from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to OTHER: (specify) 2.3 Holiday Schedule. The following holiday schedule will take priority over the regular weekday, weekend, and summer schedules described above. Fill in the blanks below with the parent’s name to indicate where the child(ren) will be for the holidays. Provide beginning and ending times. If a holiday is not specified as even, odd, or every year with one parent, then the child(ren) will remain with the parent they are normally scheduled to be with. Holidays Even Years Odd Years Every Year Beg/Ending Times Mother’s Day Father’s Day Thanksgiving Christmas Eve Christmas Day Easter Memorial Day Weekend Fourth of July Labor Day Weekend Other:
This holiday schedule may affect your regular Parenting Time Schedule. You may wish to specify one or more of the following options: { } When parents are using an alternating weekend plan and the holiday schedule would result in one parent having the child(ren) for three weekends in a row, the alternating weekend pattern will restart so neither parent will go without having the child(ren) for more than two weekends in a row. { } If a parent has our child(ren) on a weekend with an unspecified holiday or non-school day attached, they shall have our child(ren) for the holiday or non-school day. { } Other: 2.4 Winter Break. { } Our child(ren) will spend half of Winter Break with each parent. { } Other: Details for sharing time with our child(ren) during Winter Break (including New Year’s Day) are: 2.5 Spring Break. (The weekday days of school Spring Break). { } Our child(ren) will alternate spending spring break with each parent, spending it with in even years and with (parent name) (parent name) in odd years. { } Our child(ren) will be in the care of each parent according to the schedule described in Section 2.1 above. { } Our child(ren) will spend part of spring break with each parent (provide details): 2.6 Child(ren)’s Birthdays. { } Our child(ren)’s birthdays will be planned so that both parents may participate in the birthday celebration. { } Our child(ren) will be in the care of each parent according to the schedule described in Section 2.1 to 2.6 above. { } Other: 2.7 Temporary Changes to the Schedule. Any schedule for sharing time with our child(ren) may be changed as long as both parents agree to the changes ahead of time: { } in writing; { } orally (choose one) Activities scheduled that will affect the other parent’s time must be coordinated with the other parent. Makeup and Missed Parenting time: Only substantial medical reasons will be considered sufficient for postponement of parenting time. If a child is ill and unable to spend time with a parent, a makeup parenting time will be scheduled. If a parent fails to have the child(ren) during their scheduled parenting time for any other reason, there will be no makeup of parenting time unless the parents agree otherwise: { } in writing { } orally (choose one)
2.8 Permanent Changes to the Schedule. We understand that, once the judge signs the final judgment in our case and approves this Parenting Plan, any changes that we do not agree on can be made only by applying to the court for a modification. One parent cannot change a court-ordered Parenting Plan on their own. Before applying to the court, we understand that we can agree to try to resolve our dispute through mediation or other means (See Section 10). 2.9 Alternate Care. (See Instructions) { } We choose not to specify ground rules for alternate care. { } Alternate care for our child(ren) will be handled as follows: 2.10 Primary & Secondary Residence. { } Shared Parental Responsibility shall be considered the primary residential/ custodial parent. shall be considered the secondary residential/custodial parent. { } Shared Parent responsibility with neither parent being the primary/custodial residential parent. { } Rotating custody. The parents are co-primary residential/custodial parents. { } Sole Parental Responsibility. shall be considered the sole custodial parent. 3. DECISION MAKING: 3.1 Day-to-Day Decisions. Each parent will make day-to-day decisions regarding the care and control of our child(ren) during the time they are caring for our child(ren). This includes any emergency decisions affecting the health or safety of our child(ren). 3.2 Major Decisions (Shared or Sole Parental Responsibility) . Major decisions include, but are not limited to, decisions about our child(ren)’s education, non- emergency healthcare and religious training. Shared Parental Responsibility - Choose One : { } Both parents will share in the responsibility for making major decisions about our child(ren). or { }Shared Parental Responsibility with the following Parent having ultimate decision making authority on designated major decisions about our child(ren).
Issues (e.g.: Education, Health, Extra Curricular activities, Religion) Decision Maker The above will be implemented if the parties do not agree otherwise. If a parent is designated with sole parental authority then that parent will have the option to consult with the other parent prior to making major decisions. 4. INFORMATION SHARING. Unless there is a court order stating otherwise: Both parents have equal rights to inspect and receive the child(ren)’s school records, and both parents are encouraged to consult with school staff concerning the child(ren)’s welfare and education. Both parents are encouraged to participate in and attend the child(ren)’s school events. Both parents have equal rights to inspect and receive governmental agency and law enforcement records concerning the child(ren). Both parents have equal rights to consult with any person who may provide care or treatment for the child(ren) and to inspect and receive the child(ren)’s medical, dental and psychological records. Each parent has a continuing responsibility to provide a residential, mailing, or contact address and contact telephone number to the other parent. Each parent has a continuing responsibility to immediately notify the other parent of any emergency circumstances or substantial changes in the health of the child, including the child’s medical needs. 5. FUTURE MOVES BY A PARENT. Relocation: { } The primary residential parent shall not permanently relocate the minor child(ren) from the State of Florida without the written consent of the other parent or an order of the court. { } Parents who have a rotating custodial arrangement (50/50 timesharing) agree that neither parent shall relocate to any residence more than ten (10) miles from the other parents home. { } Other: __________________________________________________________________
6. PARENT-CHILD COMMUNICATION { } Both parents and child(ren) shall have the right to communicate by telephone, in writing or by emailing between _____a.m./p.m. and _____a.m./p.m. without interference or monitoring by the other parent. { } Procedures for telephone, written, or email access (describe ground rules for parent-child communication).
7. EXCHANGE OF OUR CHILD(REN) Both parents shall have the child(ren) ready on time with sufficient clothing packed and ready at the agreed-upon time of exchange. All clothing that accompanied our child(ren) shall be returned as follows:
{ } While both parents continue to reside in the same locale, both parents shall share equally in the responsibility of exchanging our child(ren) from one parent to the other. { } Other: (provide details for the exchange of the child(ren)): 8. MUTUAL RESPECT Parents will not say things or knowingly allow others to say things in the presence of our child(ren) that would take away our child(ren)’s love and respect for the other parent. 9. OTHER TERMS Add any other items regarding the child(ren) you would like to include in your Parenting Plan. Use additional sheets if necessary. { } Additional sheets attached 10. DISPUTE RESOLUTION We will first attempt to cooperatively resolve any disputes that may arise over the terms of this Parenting Plan. If that attempt fails (choose one): { } We will use mediation or other dispute resolution methods before filing a court action. { } Mediation or other dispute resolution methods will not be required before filing a court action. 11. SIGNATURES Your signature below indicates that you have read and agree with what has been decided and written in this document. Petitioner: Respondent Signature Date Signature Date
DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR CONTACT Children between birth and the age of 6 months develop a strong bond with at least one person. This is called attachment. Bowlby (1973, 1982) first proposed attachment theory and Ainsworth (Ainsworth et al, 1978) completed empirical testing of his theory. Attachment provides the framework for relationships and explains why the disruption of the bond between the primary caregiver and the infant can result in problem behavior. Disruption can occur through loss and /or separation from the primary caregiver or even the threat of separation and loss. Infants begin to attach to caregivers at approximately 6 months of age. Attachment develops slowly over the first year and is determined by the quality of the interaction between the adult and the child, not just by who feeds and changes diapers. It includes interest and attention through smiling, reaching, cooing, touching, etc. It is clear that children do not just attach to one person. However, there is controversy over whether children have a tendency to form a single “primary” attachment, regardless of how many other attachments they form. (Warshak, 2000; Solomon, 2005). Visitation schedules must insure that children have the opportunity to establish and maintain such attachments as well as insure that existing attachments are not disrupted or threatened. Know How Your Child Grows
A. Normal Developmental Stages: Eating, sleeping, and routine are primary needs of children this age. Stability in caregivers and routines, particularly in eating and sleeping, are critical. Predictability, consistency, and stability of help to establish security and reduce tension and anxiety.
Attachment begins at this stage. Bowlby (1969) suggested that between birth and two months is the preattachment stage. The infant responds to any adult. However, by six months, the infant will recognize familiar caregivers and be wary of unfamiliar people. Some of the developmental tasks of infancy between birth and six months include: 1. Physical Development a. Infant begins to sit up b. Reaches with both arms c. Can hold objects 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Starts to explore things by taste b. Seeks visual stimulation c. Protests if needs are not met Page 9 9 3. Social Development a. Smiles, laughs b. Knows the difference between parents and strangers c. Gestures to be picked up 4. E motional Development a. Need to attach b. Need for nurturing, love, affection, and attention
CONTACT FOR BIRTH TO SIX MONTHS One of the most important considerations is for attachment with both parents. It is important for visitation to provide opportunities to establish a bond between the child and the parent. Generally, frequency of visitation is given more consideration than duration of visitation. Making up for less frequent visits by increasing the length of time of visits is not recommended for infants (Hodges, 1991). Skafte (1985) recommended daily visits, but if this is impractical, then visits should be spaced no more than two days apart. Overnight visits are not generally recommended (Hodges, 1991; Biringen, et al, 2002).
There is research, however, to show that overnight visits with the parent can occur, provided that the parent has been a significant caretaker and a primary attachment figure (Warshak, 2000). Suggested: Daily visits of 1 to 3 hours
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER • Keep sleeping and eating arrangements consistent and stable. • Since children this age develop and change rapidly, communicate frequently with one another about eating habits, elimination, health, medicines, new behaviors, sleep patterns, etc. Use of a tablet for written communication and accessible to each parent is often a useful way to provide this information. • Share favorite toys, blankets, etc. • Furnish pictures of one another to have in each home. AGE 6 Months through 18 Months Children at this age continue to establish attachment. They begin to show stranger anxiety and apprehension. Even though an infant may have shown no signs of being upset previously, the child will now cry when the parent leaves. This starts at about 9 months and may continue until about 2 years old. Separation from one of the parents during this period might cause impairment to the attachment process (Horner and Guyer, 1993). Children continue to need familiarity and predictability. Children need love, attention, talk and play.
KNOW HOW YOUR CHILD GROWS A. Normal Developmental Stages: Children this age continue to grow rapidly, particularly in their mobility. They crawl, stand, and walk. Although the child will explore the environment and begin to assert himself, the parent must still provide for structure, predictability, and familiarity that will help to build trust and security. Children desire more independence, but continue to need the security of the attachment figure. Negative behaviors may appear between 15 and 18 months. The child may become more demanding, erupt in tantrums, and begin to say “no.” There is an emerging sense of self as well as fear of loss of the attachment. Since anxiety begins, it is especially important to maintain regularity in the visitation and to insure that the visitation does not involve long separations (Ram, Finzi, and Cohen, 2002). 1. Physical Development a. Walking, running, climbing b. Can throw an object c. Can grip a crayon and scribble 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Begins to speak b. Learns by exploring c. Can follow a simple direction 3. Social Development a. Copies and imitates b. Waves goodbye c. Responds to verbal request 4. Emotional Development a. Separation anxiety begins b. Exhibits a temper when frustrated CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD AGE: Six months through Eighteen Months Since separation anxiety begins during this period, the issue of visitation is especially important. How often and the length of time of each visit depend, in part, on the prior contact of the child and visiting parent. If the parent has participated in, then visitation can be greater in duration and more frequent. Otherwise, short but frequent visits are suggested. Skafte (1985) recommended that no more than 2 or 3 days pass without the parent visiting. Solomon and George (1999) found that a repeated overnight separation from the primary caretaker was associated with disruption in attachment. Overnight visits, while still controversial at this age, are sometimes recommended, again, dependent on the amount of, involvement, and availability of the visiting parent (Warshak, 2002). Suggested Visits: 1 to 4 hours every other day
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER • Maintain a routine, especially in eating and sleeping, in each household • Use a communication log, or notes to inform one another of new behaviors, habit changes, • Patience, as well as firm and consistent limits are necessary • Share favorite toys, blankets, stuffed animals, etc. • Provide familiar articles, pictures, etc. for each household • Insure a safe environment and supervise the exploring child • Try to spend some time of a visitation doing a care taking activity in the home of the primary caretaker (such as feeding, bathing, bedtime) AGE 18 Months to 3 Years Children at this age continue to explore and establish increasing independence and mobility. These are “toddlers” that will start to become individuals and begin to establish some separateness from their parents (Sroufe, 1979). Children continue to require consistency and firmness from parents. They can remember people they have not seen for days, so children can tolerate longer times between visits.
KNOW HOW YOUR CHILD GROWS A. Normal Developmental Stages: Toddlers between the ages of 18 months and 3 years significantly improve their communication skills, begin to toilet themselves, eat with use of a spoon and fork, play by themselves, and become somewhat more resistant and self-centered. They may refer to themselves by name, all part of becoming separate from their parents. They are often easier to discipline through humor and distraction. 1. Physical Development a. walks well, goes up and down stairs b. attempts to dress self c. becoming independent in toileting and eating 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Says words, phrases, and simple sentences b. Avoids simple hazards c. Understands simple directions 3. Social Development a. May refer to self by name b. Can play alone 4. Emotional Development a. Self-centered, possessive, often negative b. Enjoys affection c. Often resistant to change
I. CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD AGE: 18 Months to 3 Years Children this age can handle visitation that is less frequent than for infants. Visits should continue to be consistent and frequent. At 18 months a child can visit for several hours at a time and research supports an overnight visit in the older children in this category www.coloradofivorcemediation.com, Warshak (2000). Skafte (1985) believed that full weekends were too long for three years olds. Long visitations and travel to distant geographic locations are not recommended (Hodges, 1991). Suggested Visits: One weekend day, including overnight; two weekdays for 3 hours. For example, Saturday, 10 AM to Sunday, 10 AM and Every Monday and Wednesday, 5:00 PM to 7:30 PM. II. WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER • Insure safety in the environment • Make sure that overnights include the bedtime routine similar to that practiced in the primary residential home • If a parent has not had regular visitation because of geographic distance, then visitation should be short, regular visits for part of the day in the custodial parent’s location • Communicate through use of a log to provide feedback to the other parent on changes in habits, new tasks, etc. • Have some of the child’s favorite things available in each home Age 3 to 5 (The Preschool Child) Preschool children enjoy predictability. They like fairness and well-defined and consistent guidelines set by parents. Visitation needs to follow these same tenets. Know How Your Child Grows AGE: 3 through 5 Years A. Normal Developmental Stages: Preschoolers have large vocabularies and show significant growth in their communication. They can tell simple stories, ask endless questions, and are interested in their environment. They have a more secure and greater sense of personal identity.
They move from play by themselves to cooperative play and begin enjoying the company of others. They are beginning to be adventuresome, but need controlled freedom. They are eager to carry out some responsibility and feel pride in their accomplishments. Routine and consistency continue to be very important. 1. Physical Development a. Runs, climbs b. Begins to ride tricycle, similar vehicle c. Begins to write own name 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Communicates well verbally b. Asks questions c. Tells simple stories 3. Social Development a. Seeks peer interaction b. Talkative, versatile c. Cooperative play 4. Emotional Development a. Likes to follow rules b. Enjoys responsibility
CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD AGE: Three through Five YEARS Preschoolers are more aware of the differences between parents. Although they can tolerate overnight visits developmentally, parent conflict may interfere significantly with visitation and smooth transitions. Parents need to make greater effort to insure that preschoolers witness appropriate behaviors between parents. Suggested Visits: Every other weekend and one weekday overnight, i. e., Every Thursday overnight and every other weekend, Friday to Sunday, 6PM. Or, Every Thursday overnight and Every other weekend, Friday to Sunday overnight. During the summertime, preschoolers may be ready for a full week visitation.
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER • Provide mementos, including photos, from each other’s homes • Become involved in preschool and increase access through activities • Provide a lot of reinforcement and opportunities for approval and recognition • Insure that transitions from one home to another are smooth and without conflict • Make sure that the child calls the other parent daily
AGE: Six through Eleven Years
SPECIAL DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR CONTACT (Ages Six years to Eleven years) Children between the ages of six and eleven are focused on becoming hard- working and independent. Achievement in school tasks and acceptance from their peers, therefore, is critical. Parents must be certain that visitation schedules are consistent, predictable and organized (Amato 1991). This will allow the child to focus on the very important school and social tasks that are foremost in their life at this stage. Children of this age are developing moral reasoning, and socializing independently for the first time. Attending and becoming involved in school and extra-curricular activities are important, and must be encouraged by both parents during their contact time with the child/ren. Between the ages 6½-8, children will often openly grieve for the departed parent. Children have fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce. Between the ages of 8 and 11, feeling of anger and a feeling of powerlessness are the main emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, children at this age experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. Research by Lerman (1989) explores the adjustment of latency age children finding that children who believe that they were rejected from the absent parent was a significant predictor of a child’s self-esteem. There is a greater tendency this age children to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent. At this age children may attempt to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs. (Wallerstein 1989)
Know How Your Child Grows A. Normal Developmental Stages: Children are in a psychosocial age of industry where they want to please their parents with their efforts. They are developing their ability to think logically, and are beginning to understand the concept of fairness. Moral reasoning is beginning and children are concerned with rules. They have a growing awareness of right and wrong. Independent thinking starts, and becomes more constant along with predictable feelings. Social feelings are developing and children can begin showing empathy and sympathy for others. 1. Physical Development a. Growth is slow and steady. 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Moving toward understanding abstract ideas. Things are often “black or white” - there is very little middle ground. b. Look to adults for approval. c. Like encouragement and suggestions for improvement. d. Need Opportunities to share thoughts and reactions. e. Thinking is concrete, but beginning to think logically
3. Social Development a. Like to join organized groups. b. Beginning to take responsibility for own actions. c. Decision-making skills are being developed. 4. Emotional Development a. Strong need to feel accepted and worthwhile. b. Beginning to build and understand friendship. Know How Your Child Grows SIX to EIGHT YEARS 1. Physical development a. Physical play very lively; sporting skills develop quickly 2. General behavior a. Bathes, dresses, sleeps, and eats well; talks to strangers; takes part in team sports; drawings show some proportion and perspective. 3. Language a. Reads with understanding; learns spelling and grammar; starts to add and subtract two or three digit numbers and multiply and divide single digit numbers. 4. Typical personality a. Self reliant, sociable and outgoing; active; may be critical of others. Know How Your Child Grows NINE to ELEVEN YEARS 1. Physical development a. Skilled with hands and fingers; special skills such as in sport and music become evident. 2. General behavior a. Well behaved; works or plays hard; self-sufficient and may enjoy being alone. 3. Language a. Masters basic techniques of reading, writing, adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing; reads stories and writes brief letters to relatives.
4. Typical personality a. Sensible; self motivated; may be shy in social situations; may talk about sex information with friends; interested in body organs and functions; less afraid of dark; not afraid of water. 5. Common normal ‘problems’ a. Worried and anxious; has physical complaints such as stomachaches and headaches when has to do disliked tasks; rebels against authority; sex swearing beginning; perseveres with tasks. After Divorce Needs In terms of divorce, children of this age wish their parents to reunite (90% of seven- year-old children) and may still attempt to reunite their parents. They fear losing both parents and may still blame themselves for the divorce. They often react to the divorce with sadness. It is common for children of this age to have difficulties concentrating in school because they are thinking about the loss and reunification and they may have some academic risk. Children of this age can typically move between two homes with minimal stress. Most children at this time need a home base where they can work on basic academics, do homework consistently and have their friends easily available. They need routines and schedules. Children in grades 1-3 are often more able to interact with a same-sex parent around hobbies, interests and feelings than younger children who depend on basic care. For primary school age children, the parenting schedule should minimize the interference with peer relationships. To do otherwise may cause your child’s resentment and rejection. Divorce at this age group can cause confusion and some feelings of blame. Children’s initial concern is who will be there for them. They are concerned about basic needs such as where they will stay. They need a feeling of security at home in order to deal with issues at school or with friends. (Bauserman 2002)
Divorce brings many challenges to children of this age. Younger school-age children tend to feel the loss of the family as a unit and may experience sadness and crying. Older children in this age group may be more likely to experience anger and choose one parent over the other as a way to hold on to their self- esteem and relationships. Your child may feel directly responsible for your divorce, especially if she is put in the middle of your conflict. Some children will show more severe symptoms, including tantrums, regression, sleep problems, behavioral and academic problems in school, withdrawal or aggression with peers, and depression. (Buchman, Maccoby and Dornbusch 1996) Some of these children do not want to grow up, and instead remain emotionally immature. Children in this age group believe in fairness and want to please their parents. They may feel overwhelmed by your conflicts and try to fix them, yet they cannot. If one of the parents is depressed, your child may try to take care of that parent’s emotional problems. • Exchanges should minimize your child’s exposure to conflict. School or other neutral places are excellent transition places between Mom’s house and Dad’s house. • You must find ways to keep your children out of the middle of your conflicts. Do not have your child deliver messages to the other parent, or ask your child to tell you what the other parent is doing. Communication needs to be between the parents only, even if this requires help from a neutral professional. • To the extent you can, there should be a plan for co-parenting. If your conflict is more extreme, a pattern of parallel parenting and avoidance of each other is best
CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD
AGE: SIX through Eleven YEARS 1. Every Other Weekend (Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m.) 4/28 overnights In a review of a decade of research Kelley (2000) cites the benefit of being close to each parent. This option establishes 12 days separation from the second parent. Divorce research indicates that this is often too long for many children, and may diminish the second parent’s importance to the children – with fewer opportunities for involvement in their day-to-day, school and homework activities. (Shafke,1985) In addition, this option provides little relief to the first parent from children responsibilities. This option may be preferred, however, given the parents’ history of involvement, available time for parenting, present parenting resources or, as a transitional approach to timesharing. Every Other Weekend plus Midweek Visit (Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m., with every Wednesday 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.) 4/28 overnights Every Other Week (Friday 6:00 p.m. to following Friday 8:00 a.m.) 14/28 overnights This parenting plan option creates seven days separation from the other parent, often quite difficult for children younger than six or seven years of age. It eliminates the opportunity for face-to-face parental conflict by minimizing transitions, and allows both parents and mature children to “settle” into a routine. The children’s switching residences can, of course, complicate management of scheduled lessons, activity commitments and daycare arrangements. Note: changing households on Friday after school often works better than on the traditional Monday after school approach (allowing for a “winding-down” at the time of transition, rather than requiring “gearing-up” at that time). Serious reservation of this seven-day option must be given in cases involving parental alienation. Summer Vacations When parents live in separate communities, it can be difficult to plan a schedule. If you have a long- distance relationship, your child will need to be in one home during the school year, and visit the other parent during non-school time. Consider the travel time and your child’s age and activities when you develop your schedule. If you are the “summer parent,” try and spend some time with your child every three months. If your child is young, you might need to do most of the traveling. Once your child is old enough to travel alone, it is still important to visit the child at least once or twice a year. Use three-day weekends for monthly contact during the school year if you live close enough, or longer holiday breaks such as Thanksgiving or Easter if you live farther away. If you are the “school year parent” and live a long distance from the other parent, try and enroll your child in a year-round school. This allows for more frequent travel to be with the other parent, yet won’t take the child away for as long as the traditional summer break. Consider the day-to-day activities in both communities, since working parents need daycare or planned activities when children come to visit. Your child is likely to do well if your child has all but one week of each break with the long-distance parent. That leaves the child some time to be with friends in the child’s home community and time for vacation trips with each parent. If your child is in a typical school-year/summer-vacation schedule, your child is likely to have two weeks of vacation at Christmas, another week or two during the spring or near Easter, and about twelve weeks off in the summer. If the child is under age eight, consider having an equal split of the Christmas break, and most spring breaks with the long-distance parent. Try breaking up the summer into three segments: the first and third with the long-distance parent and the middle one with the home parent. This may prevent the child from feeling homesick during the child’s trips. If the child is older and used to being away from home, the child might do well spending most of the summer with the long-distance parent, assuming the child enjoys it there and has a good relationship with that parent. Both of you need to consider the child’s interests, summer camp desires, and vacation needs as you develop your plan. (Lye1999)
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S VISITATION EASIER Children of this developmental stage benefit from parents who: Make sure your child knows which parent will be picking them up and taking them home. If both parents will be attending an activity, allow the child to visit with both parents during that event. Develop a system where both parents are informed of school conferences, and extra-curricular activities. 1. Establish a homework routine, with assistance as necessary. Be sure to pack all books, school projects, uniforms and extra-curricular sports gear. Establish with the other parent the procedure for when children leave any of the abovementioned at the other parent’s home. Decide who will be responsible for getting this to the child. 2. Establish a consistent homework time, bedtime, and mealtime at both homes. Attempt to provide similar diet at both homes. Television, computer, and playtime should be consistent. Agree on similar punishments for poor academic progress and unacceptable behavior. 3. Allow the children to have telephone access to the other parent when they desire. Be considerate of when you call the children, as not to interrupt bedtime or wake-up routines. If needed establish a schedule for the other parent to call.
AGE: 11 through 18 Years
SPECIAL DEVELOPMENTAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR CONTACT Children between the ages of 11 and 18 usually seek more independence as they get older and prefer to do more things with less adult involvement. This pattern becomes more obvious as the children age. As children move through this stage, a good balance of supervision and flexibility is essential. Parents must be sure that visitation schedules are flexible and consider the natural tendency of the child toward increased independence from both parents. As children become more active in school and social activities, visitation likely will need to be reviewed and even restructured from time to time.
Know How Your Child Grows A. Normal Developmental Stages: Children in this age range are called “adolescents,” with 3 different stages as described below. Generally, adolescents move through the following tasks during this period: Establish a sense of autonomy (self-sufficiency) and personal identity; Achieve emotional independence from parents and other adults; and Begin process of individuation (separateness) from immediate and even extended family. 1. Physical Development a. If puberty has not occurred yet, it likely will occur during this period, bringing rapid changes and “swings” in the child’s hormones and emotions, together with common physical changes of puberty. b. As physical development proceeds, especially sex-related physical changes, the child will likely want more privacy. Boundaries regarding physical contact by parents may occur. For example, the parent’s hug that once was natural and welcomed by the child may now be met with a very different response, including withdrawal and even some rejection. 2. Cognitive (Mental) Development a. Concrete initially, more capacity for abstract thinking develops throughout adolescence b. Greater critical thinking that may result in frequent comparisons and evaluation of others’ behavior, appearance and preferences (including parents) with child’s own preferences. c. Brain development continues; for much of this period, the portion of brain that supports rational judgement, organization, emotional understanding and decision-making is not fully developed. 3. Social Development a. Peer relationships take on a much greater importance. b. Increasing independence from family is sought and demanded. c. Though focused on independence, still concerned with meeting parents’ expectations and need assistance in coping with age-related demands. d. Increased interest in sexual matters and sexual identity. 4. Emotional Development a. Increased ability for introspection (self-examination and understanding). b. Identity formation occurs as the child explores various alternatives and makes choices that affect self-concept. Identity formation may include sexual, ethnic and career aspects. For some adolescents, this can be a time of role or identity confusion. c. Puberty and incomplete brain development may result in significant emotional volatility (“moodiness”) and, in some cases; this moodiness may be or seem extreme.
11 TO 13 YEARS (EARLY ADOLESCENCE)
1. Physical development: Sexual characteristics of puberty occur or continue to develop; boys typically have higher physical self-concept (recognition of physical ability) than girls. 2. General behavior: Behavior largely decided by or compared to friends and schoolmates; social interaction outside of family more important; as part of individuation, children will more often challenge parents’ values and authority. Girls tend to feel better about themselves in social situations than do boys. Same-sex peer groups are more important than opposite sex. 3. Language: Reads with greater understanding; may use language and abstract thinking to write about and report on emotional experiences. 4. Typical personality: Peer relationships and acceptance become increasingly important; complaints about parental restrictions and supervision increase; mood swings common; may vary between need for and rejection of parental affection and expectations. 5. Common or “normal” problems: forgetfulness; minor rebellion against parental rules and restrictions; lack of organization regarding school and home spaces (messy room, locker and/or desk)
14 to 16 YEARS (MIDDLE ADOLESCENCE) 1. Physical development: Puberty completed or nearly completed. 2. General behavior: Increased romantic and/or sexual feelings toward others; Mixed-sex group activities increase; Self-centered; undecided at times regarding issues of separation and independence. Wants greater role in decision-making on issues affecting them. 3. Language: Increased use of language to report on emotional experiences and complaints. Prefer to communicate with peers over parents; may increase use of computers and other technology to maintain regular communication with peers. 4. Typical personality: Increasing efforts to achieve independence from parental restrictions and rules; attempts to bargain regarding attendance at social activities; critical thinking patterns may result in frequent judgments and “black and white” evaluations of issues. Page 21 21 5. Common normal ‘problems’: May begin to associate greater physical maturity with adulthood, leading to increased risk for harmful or premature behaviors; parent-child power struggles, especially around issues such as dating, curfews, household chores and driving privileges. Experimenting with drug and alcohol use and/or sexual behaviors; incomplete understanding of impact of potentially unsafe behaviors (sex, drugs, alcohol,).
17 to 18 YEARS (LATE ADOLESCENCE) [Note: actually through Age 20] 1. General behavior: Increased romantic and/or sexual feelings toward others; Individual relationships with others begin to become more important than peer groups; frequently challenge parental authority and restrictions. 2. Typical personality: Self-centered idealism; right and wrong thinking, begins to become more other-oriented. Mood swings of puberty and early post-puberty may stabilize somewhat. 3. Common normal ‘problems’: School (including college planning) and social activities may compete, causing stress; experimenting with drug and alcohol use and/or sexual behaviors; incomplete understanding of impact of potentially unsafe behaviors (sex, drugs, alcohol, reckless driving). After Divorce Needs The needs of adolescents after divorce depend, in part, on whether divorce occurs during this stage or occurs earlier in their development. If the divorce occurs at this stage of development, the need for some structure, consistency and reassurance of each parent’s involvement is more important. Anger and blame may be common as adolescents become more judgemental. However, as children move into and through adolescence, they may become more focused on the “fairness” of a plan for parental contact and they will likely consider it “fair” to include them to some extent in plans that are made for where they will spend their time. Whether or not parents are married or divorced, adolescence is a time of increasing importance of peer relationships, social activities and independence, a fact that must be considered in any after divorce family. Parents must be ready to: support their teen’s attempts to achieve developmental tasks; accept the teen’s beliefs, feelings and attitudes without being judgemental; set appropriate limits on behavior but not on those beliefs, feelings and attitudes; foster empathy with the teen by remembering (not necessarily reciting) your own feelings and behaviors as a teen; allow their teen to be different than the parent is or was at that age or now; acknowledge and support the teen’s need for independence and autonomy.
CONTACT BASED ON KNOWING YOUR CHILD FOR ALL ADOLESCENTS:
Perhaps more than any other age range, and particularly in later adolescence, the flexibility recommended in the literature makes a strict schedule difficult and even harmful to the adolescent’s development, in some cases. Longer vacations or contact periods, more creative time-sharing alternatives, and even equal time-sharing may be options, depending on the particular needs of a child and the relationship established before the divorce. All contact arrangements should be negotiated in good faith, keeping in mind your child and the special developmental tasks of adolescents. The suggestions that follow, as mentioned in the introduction, cannot be viewed as appropriate for each situation and each child. 11 TO 13 YEARS (EARLY ADOLESCENCE) Every Other Weekend (Friday 6:00 p.m. to Sunday 6:00 p.m.) Many adolescents prefer one primary home (in a large part to avoid confusion for their friends), and only wish to spend weekends or evenings with the other parent. Much of this will depend on the history of the relationship and the availability of the parent to meet their needs. Every Other Weekend/only one weekend overnight (Friday after school to Saturday 6:00 p.m.) or (Saturday noon to Sunday 6:00 p.m.) Adolescent children often have multiple projects and school assignments requiring their effort, as well as a number of options for peer-group contact on weekends. Parents may consider structuring weekend overnight visitation on an evening when it is more likely that the child will not have to decline social invitations. Phone calls should be encouraged and permitted at all reasonable times. Some contact should occur each week or, at a minimum, every other week. If the child is not used to having individual and continued contact with the nonresidential parent, consider allowing a friend to join the child on some occasions. Other contact: If at all possible, offer your child some input into the planned summer vacation contact schedule. Offering a choice between two equally appropriate options can give a child a feeling of some control over his or her time, meeting their need for greater independence. If an extended summer stay with the non-residential parent is likely, that parent should make efforts in advance to locate social and recreational outlets for the child. During extended time away from either parent, phone calls and email exchanged with that parent may be helpful. This communication should not focus on negative messages about either parent. School breaks of one week or more should be structured in a way that takes into account the needs of the child noted above.
14 TO 18 YEARS (MIDDLE AND LATE ADOLESCENCE)
Weekly contact: Contact should occur each week. Contact should be structured with some consideration of child’s school and social activities. During earlier stages, consistency and predictability are very important; at this age, some flexibility by each parent becomes more important. Older adolescent children often have multiple projects and school assignments requiring their effort, as well as a number of options for peer-group contact on weekends. Parents may consider structuring weekly contact on a day when it is more likely that the child will not repeatedly have to decline social invitations. Overnight stays may become increasingly uncomfortable for older adolescents, especially older adolescent girls staying with fathers with whom they have not had open communication and interaction prior to or during the divorce. For this reason, shorter periods of contact should be considered as an alternative. To avoid frustration, it is helpful for the child and both parents to keep a calendar that outlines visitation as far in advance as possible and be prepared for reasonable changes to be requested by the child. If child requests additional contact with non-residential parent, contact should be permitted. Phone calls and appropriate emails, text messages, and other forms of communication should be encouraged and permitted at all reasonable times. Due to reported and researched risks associated with teenagers who drive without adult supervision, transportation to and from the non-residential parent’s home should be coordinated and completed by parents whenever possible, whether or not your child has a driver’s license. This requires that parents are courteous to and respectful of each other as the transfer occurs. If the child is not used to having individual and continued contact with the parent, consider allowing a same-sex friend to join the child on some occasions. Other contact: If at all possible, offer your child some input into the planned summer vacation contact schedule. Offering a choice between two equally appropriate options can give a child a feeling of some control over his or her time, meeting the need for greater independence. Some children as young as age 14 may view summer as a time to earn extra spending money through part-time work. Some consideration should be made for this possibility. School breaks of one week or more should be structured in a way that takes into account the child’s increasing movement toward independence. While you still are the child’s parent and have a valuable relationship with your child, the real fact is that most children at this age become less and less interested in having long discussions and extended contact with their parents. Particularly as a child moves into late adolescence, parents may find the child is increasingly occupied with peer and school activities, leaving only occasional time available to spend with either parent, regardless of their designation as the residential or parent.
Compensate for changes in physical contact by liberal use of phone calls, messages that do not require a response but offer the child encouragement, limited text messages (if parent views a cell phone as appropriate for his or her child), e-mails, greeting cards, notes and letters. Interventions for Children of Divorce: Custody, Access, and Psychotherapy, 2nd Edition Chapter: Visitation/Parent Access: Patterns and Problems. © 1991 William F. Hodges
WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CHILD’S CONTACT WITH NON- RESIDENTIAL PARENT EASIER Children in adolescence benefit from parents who both: Commit to be and are flexible about visitation and understand their child’s need for greater time with peers and social activities. Though a regular contact schedule appears to encourage more frequent non- custodial parent contact, adolescents report a very strong preference for flexible, unrestricted access. Offer and accept a greater role by children in determining some details of contact with the secondary residential parent, while continuing to encourage a relationship with each parent as much as possible. Work diligently to be cordial to one another and minimize conflict. Do not use adolescents as messengers for information or couriers for documents and records. Parents should work to create a co-parenting relationship that includes respectful discussion and cooperation as it relates to their roles as parents. Plan for activities that offer some social stimulation to the child; adolescents frequently report being “bored” when their time with the non-custodial parent consists only of “watching TV” or “talking.”
face="Arial">GROUNDS: The marriage is irretrievably broken or one of the parties has been adjudged to be mentally incapacitated according to the provisions of Florida Statute Section 744.331 for at least the last three years. There is no requirement that the other spouse must consent to a dissolution of marriage.
COURSE: All parties to a dissolution of marriage proceeding with minor children or a paternity action which involves issues of parental responsibility shall be required to complete the Parent Education and Family Stabilization Course prior to the entry by the court of a final judgment. The court may excuse a party from attending the parenting course for good cause.
Under what circumstances will the court award alimony or spousal support?
The obligation of spouses to support each other does not necessarily terminate when they divorce. If the divorce will leave one spouse with very little income and the other with enough to contribute to the low-income spouse's support, the court will usually award alimony, at least temporarily.
Although historically spousal maintenance was typically awarded to homemaker wives, to be paid by breadwinning husbands, that is no longer always the case. Now, either spouse may be awarded alimony if the other has the more substantial income and the recipient spouse's income is insufficient to support him or her at the level to which the spouses were accustomed during the marriage.
Spousal support is often awarded in cases in which one spouse has put his or her education or career on hold in order to raise the parties' children while the other climbed the career ladder and achieved a higher income. In such cases, the alimony will often be temporary, providing income for the period of time that will enable the recipient spouse to become self-supporting. This temporary, or rehabilitative, spousal support enables the spouse receiving it to further his or her education, reestablish himself or herself in a former career, or complete childrearing responsibilities, after which time he or she can be self-sufficient. If one spouse is unable to get a good-paying job, however, due perhaps to health or advanced age, the support award may be permanent.
The amount and duration of alimony depends on several factors, including:
How is the amount of child support calculated?
Each state has developed guidelines that help establish the amount of child support that must be paid. The guidelines vary significantly from state to state, but they are all generally based on the parent's incomes and expenses and the needs of the children. In some states, the guidelines allow judges greater discretion in determining the amount of child support that must be paid, but in other states any variance from the guidelines must be carefully justified or it can be readily overturned on appeal. Often, the guidelines are set out in a chart-type format that calculates the child support amount as a percentage of the paying parent's income that increases as the number of children being supported rises. It is important to remember, however, that the guidelines are just that-guidelines-and they are not fixed amounts that must be applied under any and all circumstances. Judges are free to deviate from the guidelines when there are good reasons to do so. If, for instance, one party or a child has higher than average expenses, the amount can vary. Or if the court determines that the paying parent is voluntarily earning less than he or she could for the purpose of minimizing the child support obligation, the judge can calculate the amount of child support based on what the payer is capable of earning.
Despite the variations from state to state, there are some general factors that are almost universally considered by judges issuing child support orders, including
Judges will often review a financial statement completed by each parent that lists all sources and amounts of income and expense before issuing an order. If any of the listed items changes significantly, either parent may go back to court and ask for an increase or decrease in the amount of child support ordered.
Once a court issues a child support order, can the amount of support that is paid be changed?
The amount of child support is modifiable under certain circumstances and through a variety of methods. The simplest method is for the parents to agree to a change, but the court must approve even an agreed-upon change in order to be enforceable.
Example: If the payer parent loses his job and asks the custodial parent if he can go a few months without paying support until he has a new job, the custodial parent may voluntarily agree to this modification. If, however, she later decides that she wants to collect the amount of support that went unpaid during that temporary period, the court might support her if it never formally approved the change.
When there is no voluntary agreement, the party seeking the change must request a court hearing at which each side will present, usually through counsel, the reasons supporting and opposing the modification. The court usually will not grant the request unless there has been some fairly significant change in circumstances that justifies the change, such as a significant increase in either parent's income through a remarriage or job change or a substantial change in the needs of the child. Changes in the child support laws, too, may justify a change in previously issued orders. Also, an increase in the cost of living can warrant an upward modification of child support, but generally these periodic increases are provided for in the original order so that the parties do not need to make repeated court appearances each time there is a significant change in the cost of living.
Other anticipated changes that can be provided for in the original child support order include a reduction upon the emancipation of each child, an increase when a child enters college, or any other change based on an event that the parties anticipate and that will have an impact on need or ability to pay.
How is child support collected if the person responsible for paying it moves to another state?
Under the Revised Uniform Reciprocal Enforcement of Support Act (RURESA), an order for support issued by the family court in one state will be enforced by the family court in another state to which the paying parent moves if certain conditions are met. Under RURESA, the custodial parent has two options for how to proceed to collect support.
Under the first option, the custodial parent who receives the support must register the order for support in the county where the payer parent now lives. The family court in that county can provide information on the proper registration procedure. That court will then move to enforce the order and make the non-custodial parent pay. The payer parent can, however, go to court in his or her new home state and argue that the child support amount should be modified downward, and if he or she is successful, the child's home-state court is stuck with the reduced amount. A newer interstate support act called the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act, which has been adopted in some states, does not allow the court in the new home state to modify the original court's support order.
Alternatively, the custodial parent can go to the family court in his or her home state to commence an action to enforce the support award issued by that court. The enforcement agency that serves that court will then notify the payer's new home state so that enforcement actions, such as wage withholding, can be implemented there. Under this method, the payer cannot get the award modified in his or her new home state. The new state's court can, however, determine that the amount of child support ordered is too high and require that only a portion of it be paid, but the original state does not have to accept the reduced amount. The payer remains liable for the full amount as originally ordered, and if he or she fails to pay it, the original state may issue an arrest warrant, and the delinquency can show up on the payer's credit report.
What are parents' obligations to their children?
Every parent has the duty to provide his or her children with the basic necessities of life, including food, clothing, and shelter. This duty usually terminates when the child is emancipated, which generally occurs at the age of eighteen, when the child graduates from high school, when the child enters the military, or when the child marries, but the support obligation can extend beyond that point if the child is unable to support himself or herself and would become a public obligation without familial support. The law generally does not dictate the level of support that is provided when the children live with both parents, but when, through divorce or other circumstances, the child is living with one parent, there are strict rules about the amount of financial support provided by the non-custodial parent.
In most instances, parents also have the responsibility to provide necessary medical care for their children. If parents refuse life-saving medical treatment for their children, the state may intervene against the parents' wishes, even if they made their decision on religious grounds.
Parents must also make sure that their children meet school attendance requirements. They do, however, have the right to decide whether the child's education will be in a public school, a private school, or through home schooling.
Stepparents have no legal obligation toward their stepchildren. When they assume the role of the sole provider of the child's support, however, they may be held accountable for providing that support even if the marriage to the child's biological parent ends. Of course, if a stepparent adopts a stepchild, the obligations are the same as they are in any other parent-child relationship.
How does a court decide which parent will get custody of a child?
When the parents cannot agree on a custody arrangement, the court will make the decision for them after considering the totality of the circumstances, with the overriding consideration being the child's best interests. To make that determination, the court considers:
In many cases, a consideration of these factors results in awarding custody to the parent who has been the child's primary caretaker. Although this is often the child's mother, any preference for the mother strictly on a gender basis is outmoded.
What is the legal divorce process like?
Although some divorces are very simple and can be handled with a minimum amount of red tape and delay, such as when there is no significant property involved and the couple has no children, most divorces are far more difficult and can take many different courses. The following, however, is a basic outline of the divorce process.
The entire process can take from as little as a few months to as long as several years. The main determinant of how smoothly the process will go is the level of cooperation between the parties and their willingness to compromise.
What kinds of assets are divided in a divorce?
The parties in a divorce can agree to the division of, or the judge will divide, all marital or community property owned by the parties. Generally speaking, this includes most of the property the couple acquired during the marriage, including the marital home; a second or vacation home; home furnishings and appliances; artwork; vehicles, including cars, boats, airplanes, snowmobiles, and motorcycles; money; stocks, bonds, and other investments; pensions; and privately owned businesses.
The value of other, more intangible property is also often divided. Examples of divisible intangible property include the value of a patent on an invention, the value of the celebrity status of a spouse's name, the goodwill value of a business owned by one spouse, and the value of a professional degree earned by one spouse. The value of these intangible assets will generally only be divided when both spouses made a substantial contribution to that value, either directly or indirectly, such as by supporting the spouse to whom the asset is more directly attributable.
It is not always easy for a spouse to identify all of the assets that may be available for valuation and division, especially if the other spouse is less than forthcoming with the details. This is where the parties' lawyers can help. Through the legal process known as discovery, the parties' attorneys exchange documents that reveal each party's income, assets, and liabilities. Documents such as tax returns, personal financial statements, bank account statements, brokerage house records, real estate records, loan applications, and business records usually give a clear indication of each party's financial situation. In addition, each spouse is usually deposed by the other spouse's attorney. At the deposition, the questioned spouse will respond, under oath, to questions designed to gather all necessary information about his or her assets and income.
If necessary, additional parties may be deposed, such as employers, bankers, or business partners. If these additional witnesses do not come forth willingly, their presence can be compelled through the issuance of a subpoena, which is an official legal document that commands their participation.
What happens to the property that each spouse owned before the marriage?
In most states, whether they follow a community-property or equitable-distribution scheme, the property that each spouse owned before the marriage, as well as property given to or inherited by one spouse during the marriage, usually remains that spouse's separate property. It may, however, be considered as part of the total circumstances in determining a fair allocation of the marital property.
In addition, if non-marital property is not kept separate from marital property, it may lose its separate characterization and become subject to division.
Example: If one spouse had a bank account containing $5,000 before the marriage, but during the marriage the spouses both made deposits and withdrawals from the same account, the amount in the account at the time of divorce or separation will probably be deemed marital property, to be divided between the husband and wife. If, on the other hand, the spouse with the $5,000 account deposits only other non-marital money, such as inheritances to him or her alone, in the account throughout the marriage, all the money in the account will probably remain with that spouse upon divorce.
A house owned by one spouse prior to marriage presents unique issues, because often both spouses contribute to the home's maintenance and mortgage payments during their marriage. In some states, this commingling of marital and non-marital assets converts the home to marital property. Perhaps the fairer resolution, however, applied in other states, is that the amount of equity in the home at the time of marriage remains the original owner-spouse's property, but the increase in equity value during the marriage is marital property that belongs to both spouses. The same principles apply in cases involving increases in the value of a family business owned by one spouse before marriage.
What terms should be included in a separation agreement?
Although a legal agreement is not required when a couple decides to separate, working out certain details can preserve harmony, protect rights, and promote predictability. A separation agreement may be most advisable when the parties have very different financial situations, such as when one spouse is the wage-earner and the other is raising the couple's children. A formal separation agreement can help ensure that all family members' needs will be met.
An attorney can make sure that a separation agreement covers all necessary details and complies with applicable law. Although it may seem like a good idea to save money by having one lawyer draft or review the agreement, it is really in each party's best interests to be separately represented, so that each lawyer can draft or review the separation agreement with his or her client's needs in mind. The terms of such agreements will vary, depending on the needs of the particular parties involved, but the following items should be addressed:
A separation agreement does not need to be filed with the court, but can be presented to the court if a dispute arises. As with pre-and post-marital agreements, a separation agreement may be unenforceable if either party failed to make a full disclosure or coerced the other to enter into it. If and when the parties officially file for divorce, the separation agreement's terms may be incorporated into a settlement agreement, but the parties will have an opportunity to change the terms if necessary.
The laws relating to families have changed dramatically since the 1970s as judges and legislators have reexamined and redefined the legal issues involved in divorces, child custody disputes, child support, domestic violence, and other family law matters. Family law has become entangled in national debates over family structure, gender bias, and morality. Few legal areas are as emotionally charged as family law, primarily for the litigants, but also for the lawyers and judges involved in the cases and even the public at large. Despite the changes already made by courts and legislatures, family law remains a contentious and ever-changing area of law, which will continue to evolve as families and society evolve.
Divorce, or dissolution of marriage as some states call it, is no longer fault-based and has become easier to obtain. Whereas not too long ago one spouse had to accuse the other of some grave misdeed, such as adultery, cruelty, alcoholism, or drug addiction, divorce is now available on the basis of incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, or an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage relationship. The division of marital property has also changed in recent years, so that now each spouse is given a more equitable share of the property upon divorce. One change that demonstrates this phenomenon is the recognition of the homemaker spouse's contributions to the accumulation of marital property. For example, whereas once the husband who developed and grew his own business while his "nonworking" wife stayed home would walk away from the marriage with all of the business assets, courts now award a significant portion of the business assets to the wife, who enabled that business growth by taking care of the home and children, and by entertaining business clients and associates. On the other hand, homemaker spouses are not considered as dependent as they once were, and as a result alimony, if awarded at all, is now often temporary, with the thought that after a period of "rehabilitation" these spouses can become self-sufficient.
Issues like child custody, too, have evolved in the courts as cultural and societal attitudes have changed. Mothers may have been favored in many custody disputes of the past, but now fathers are given much more consideration than in the past. Custody battles, while always difficult and emotional, have become even more complicated as reproductive technology has increased the ways in which people can become parents. Family law lawyers and judges are faced with new, difficult, and sensitive questions such as who gets custody of fertilized embryos when a couple that was involved in infertility/assisted-reproduction treatments separates. Surrogate parenting, too, presents heart-wrenching custody issues when the surrogate fails to abide by the surrogacy contract or wants visitation with the child. Equally difficult issues can arise when sperm or egg donors make some claim to their genetic offspring. These issues involve questions relating not only to custody laws, but also to those involving adoption, children's rights, and paternity. And as technology advances, the law will be presented with an even greater challenge to keep pace.
Another major change in family law in recent years is the recognition that many family disputes can be resolved more expediently and in a less acrimonious manner than through the traditional litigation process. In divorce and child custody cases in particular, the adversarial process has increased tensions between the parties that do not abate even when the process is complete. As a result, many states have begun to explore other, non-adversarial alternatives, such as mandatory mediation, which can save time and money and preserve relationships to the extent possible.
Edward J. Chandler can provide valuable counsel and objective representation in what can be emotionally charged situations. His experience includes several family law issues.
Alimony and spousal support are legal terms for income provided by one spouse or former spouse to the other during a separation or after divorce. Although once traditionally awarded primarily to wives for an indefinite period, alimony awards are now awarded to either spouse if he or she needs financial assistance and the other is able to provide it, and they tend to be temporary, for a period of rehabilitation that enables the recipient spouse to become self-supporting.This publication and the information included in it are not intended to serve as a substitute for consultation with an attorney. Specific legal issues, concerns and conditions always require the advice of appropriate legal professionals.
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GENERAL
The official term for divorce in Florida is "dissolution of marriage."
Florida is one of the many states that has abolished fault as a ground for divorce. This law lessens the potential harm to the husband and wife and their children caused by the process of divorce. All that is required is that the marriage be "irretrievably broken." Either spouse can file for the dissolution of marriage. All that has to be proved is that a marriage exists, one party has been a Florida resident for six months, and the marriage is broken. (There is another, little-used ground: incompetency of one's spouse). Fault, however, may be considered under certain circumstances in the award of alimony and determination of custody issues.
Each divorce case is unique and therefore settlements vary. Even though fault is not an issue, the division of property and possessions and responsibility for support may become contested matters.
The divorce process is highly emotional and traumatic for everyone it touches. Marriage partners often do not know their legal rights and obligations. Court clerks and judges can answer some of your basic questions but are prohibited from giving legal advice. Only your lawyer is allowed to do that. Court procedures must be strictly followed or you may lose certain rights forever. It is recommended that you obtain the services of an attorney concerning legal questions, your rights in a divorce, your children's rights, your property rights, your responsibilities resulting from the marriage or tax consequences. A knowledgeable lawyer can analyze your unique situation, and can help you to make decisions in the best interest of you and your family.
To obtain a dissolution of marriage in Florida, at least one spouse must have been a Florida resident for six months or more before the case is filed. There are two ways of getting a divorce, or dissolution, in Florida. The usual way is called a "Regular Dissolution of Marriage." The second method is the "Simplified Dissolution of Marriage."
REGULAR DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE
The regular dissolution process begins with a petition for dissolution of marriage, filed with the circuit court by the husband or wife, which states that the marriage is irretrievably broken and sets out what the person wants from the court. The other partner must file an Answer within 20 days maximum, addressing the matters within the initial petition and raising issues the answering party desires.
Court rules governing divorces require that each party provide certain financial documents and a completed financial affidavit to the other party within 45 days of the service of the petition or before any temporary relief hearing. The extent of the information to be provided depends on the annual income and expenses of each party. Failure to provide this information can result in the court dismissing the case or not considering that party's requests. The parties or the court can modify these requirements except for the filing of a financial affidavit, which is mandatory in all cases.
Some couples agree on property settlements, child custody, and other post-divorce arrangements before or soon after the original petition is filed. They then enter into a written agreement signed by both parties that is presented to the court. In such an uncontested case, a divorce can become final in a matter of a few weeks.
Other couples disagree on some issues, work out their differences, and appear for a final hearing with a suggested settlement which is accepted by the judge.
Mediation is a procedure to assist you and your spouse in working out an arrangement for reaching agreement without a protracted process or a trial. Its purpose is not to save a marriage, but to help divorcing couples reach a solution to their problems and arrive at agreeable terms for handling their dissolution. Many counties have mediation services available; some are mandatory.
Finally, some couples cannot agree on much of anything and a trial-with each side presenting its case-is required. The judge makes the final decision on contested issues.
The equitable dissolution process is designed to make the divorce as fair as possible to both husband and wife, which usually means negotiation-and compromise-by both partners.
Attorneys have learned it is unrealistic to expect both partners to be "happy" with their divorce. The experience can be emotionally devastating. The financial upheaval of supporting two households instead of one causes hardship for the entire family. The parties, however, can take steps to make the process easier for themselves and their children.
SIMPLIFIED DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE
Certain Florida couples are eligible to dissolve their marriage by way of a simplified procedure. These dissolutions are "do-it-yourself" and were designed so the services of an attorney may not be necessary. Couples are responsible, however, for filing all necessary documents correctly, and the couple is required to appear before a judge together when the final dissolution is granted. If you desire the services of an attorney for this dissolution process, usually it can be completed relatively inexpensively.
The simplified dissolution of marriage process is designed for couples who do not have dependent children and have agreed on a division of their property and debts. Therefore, not everyone can qualify. A husband and wife can use the simplified dissolution of marriage only if: (a) they both agree to the use of this form of dissolution proceeding; (b) they have no minor (under 18) or dependent children; (c) have no adopted children under the age of 18; (d) the wife is not pregnant; (e) at least one of the parties has lived in Florida for the past six months; (f) the parties have agreed on the division of all of their property (assets) and obligations (debts); and (g) both parties agree that the marriage is irretrievably broken and want to end their marriage because of serious permanent differences. Couples wanting to use the simplified process must meet all these conditions. If not, they must use the regular dissolution of marriage process.
There are substantial differences between a simplified and a regular dissolution of marriage. In a regular dissolution, each spouse has the right to examine and cross-examine the other as a witness, and to obtain documents concerning the other's income, expenses, assets and liabilities before having a trial or settlement of the case. With a simplified dissolution, financial information may be requested but it is not required to be given. In a simplified dissolution there is no trial and no appeal. Also, with a simplified dissolution neither the husband nor the wife can receive support (alimony) from the other.
If the husband and wife agree on a dissolution, and prefer to use the simplified form of dissolution, then they should both contact the clerk of the circuit court in their area and obtain a copy of the booklet titled "Simplified Dissolution Information" for more detailed information and forms.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
You may go to court yourself for an injunction to protect yourself against assault, battery or sexual battery by your spouse (whether you are separated or not) or your former spouse. If you feel you are the victim of such domestic violence, you should contact the office of the clerk of the circuit court in your county for information and assistance.
PROPERTY DIVISION
One of the most difficult and complex areas of divorce is the division of marital property. Marital property may include cars, houses, retirement benefits (pensions), business interests, cash, stocks, bonds, bank accounts, personal property and other things of value.
Florida statutes and case law provides for an "equitable distribution" of marital property. In essence, the marital property should be divided fairly or equitably (not necessarily equally) between the parties regardless of how the title is held. The division is based upon all facts of the case and the contribution of both spouses to the marriage.
The division of marital property (any asset acquired during the marriage by the efforts of one or both parties) is considered in conjunction with all other awards of alimony and interests in property.
There is no fixed way to determine how you or the court should divide the property. Liabilities (debts) as well as assets must be considered. Other factors include the nature and extent of the property and whether it is marital property or non-marital property; the duration of the marriage; and the economic circumstances of each spouse. If you and your spouse can agree, and if your agreement is reasonable, it will be approved by the court. If you cannot agree, the court will divide the property after a trial.
ALIMONY
The court may grant alimony to either the husband or the wife. Rehabilitative alimony may be for a limited period of time to assist in redeveloping skills and financial independence. Permanent alimony continues until the receiving spouse's remarriage or the death of either party. The court may grant some combination of the two. Also the court may order lump-sum alimony where one party pays to the other party a lump-sum payment of money or property. Although adultery does not bar an award of alimony, the court may consider the circumstances of that adultery in determining the amount of alimony to be awarded.
In awarding alimony, the court considers all relevant economic factors, such as: the parties' prior standard of living; length of the marriage; age and physical and emotional condition of both spouses; each spouse's financial resources and income-producing capacity of the assets they receive; the time necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to find appropriate employment; and the services rendered in homemaking, child rearing, and education and career building of the other spouse. The court may consider any other factor necessary to do equity and justice between the husband and wife.
You have the right to find out about all your spouse's income and assets through the use of discovery procedures which your attorney will explain to you.
SHARED PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHILDREN
Custody and Visitation
It is the public policy of Florida to ensure each minor child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents have separated or divorced, and to encourage parents to share the rights and responsibilities of child rearing. The father is given the same consideration as the mother in determining custody regardless of their child's age, sex, or other factors.
In most cases, parental responsibility for a minor child will be shared by both parents so that each retains full parental rights and responsibilities with respect to their child. This requires both parents to confer so that major
decisions affecting the welfare of the child will be determined jointly.
You and your spouse may agree, or the court may order, that one parent have the ultimate responsibility over specific aspects of the child's welfare, such as education, religion, removal from the area, and medical and dental needs. If the parents have a substantial conflict over any of these areas the court will decide for them. The court can order varying types of shared parenting arrangements depending on the evidence presented. The court may designate one parent's home as the primary residence and afford the other parent frequent and continuing contact, or, the court may order rotating custody where the time spent with each parent is equal.
In rare cases, the court can order total parental responsibility and custody to one parent. To do so, the court must determine that shared parental responsibility would be detrimental to the child.
The court may award to the child's grandparents certain visitation rights if it is deemed by the court to be in the child's best interest. Thereafter, the grandparents have the right to seek judicial enforcement of the visitation rights. The court may award grandparents visitation rights after the parents divorce, when it is in the best interest of the grandchild or when one or both parents of the child are deceased; or, when a parent of the child has deserted the child.
In considering issues between parents and their children, the best interest of the child is the primary consideration by the courts.
The Florida Bar has developed a consumer pamphlet entitled "Shared Parenting After Divorce," which discusses the subject. For instructions on ordering, see the back cover of this pamphlet.
SUPPORT
You and your spouse each have a responsibility to support your children in accordance with their needs and your financial abilities. Support may be by direct payment or by indirect benefits, such as mortgage payments, insurance, or medical and dental expenses. Ordinarily, the obligation to support your child ends when that child reaches 18, marries, or becomes financially independent.
Some of the issues concerning child support which must be considered include: (a) the amount of support; (b) the method of payment; (c) ways to assure payments are made; (d) when child support may be increased or decreased; and (e) who claims the dependency deduction for tax purposes. Other questions may need to be answered, depending on the circumstances of your case. Guidelines for support which apply to all cases generally are based on the income of the parents and the number of children with adjustments for substantial overnight contact. Florida law requires both parties to attend a parenting course prior to entering a final divorce. Consult your county clerk's office for information on courses offered.
If you have a problem getting support payments from your spouse or former spouse, or visitation and access to your child is denied, you should bring this matter to the attention of the court. It is not proper to withhold visitation or child support payments because of any alleged wrongdoing by your spouse or former spouse.
(from www.FLABar.com Consumer Pamphlet)
Copyright 2004 by Edward J. Chandler, P.A., All Rights Reserved.
Do I need my own attorney?
You are not required to have an attorney for divorce, child custody, support enforcement, or any other type of court procedure. Florida law allows you to act as your own attorney.
The Law Office of Edward J. Chandler, P.A. offers options for people on a budget.
We also offer Partial Representation. This allows you to hire use for one small part of your divorce. We can appear for you at one hearing, prepare a complex court filing, or step in when you are unsure what to do next.
How long does it take to get a divorce?
There are many factors that affect the time needed for a divorce. The most important factors are:
Whether it is a contested divorce - if you and your spouse agree on all issues, the typical divorce could be complete in as little as 3 months
The amount of property and if there are children. More property and the presence of children increases the complexity and the amount of issues you and your spouse must agree on. Again, if all issues are uncontested, the divorce can be complete in as little as 3 months.
A contested divorce can take as long as 18 months. Some bitterly contested divorces take years. You and your spouse have complete control over the length of time it takes, depending on your desire and willingness to put this part of your life behind you.
Another important factor is where the divorce is filed. Time delays are greater for Pasco County and shorter for Pinellas County. You must file your divorce where either spouse resides or the location of the marital home.
Who Gets the House?
The house is up for grabs - equally to both spouses. But the situation changes if there are minor children. A strong preference of the courts is to allow minor children to remain in the marital home. In practical terms that means whoever gets custody gets the house.
How Do I Get a Domestic Violence Injunction?
You must go to the local courthouse and see the clerk of court. The clerk will give you a document to fill out, called a Petition for and Injunction Against Domestic Violence. A Judge will look at your petition within the next few hours and sign it if you are actually in danger. After the Judge's signature, the Domestic Violence Injunction is active. The court will schedule a hearing two weeks in the future. You must attend that hearing if you wish the Injunction to remain in effect. The person whom the Injunction is against gets a chance to appear and fight the injunction.
Who gets alimony and why?
Alimony is difficult to predict. While there are no exact guidelines for alimony in Florida law, the law list factors a judge must consider.
The most important issues the court will consider are:
The lifestyle the couple had prior to the divorce. If possible, a court will divide assets and future income in a way that allows both spouses to continue their lifestyle.
The length of the marriage. If the marriage is under 7 years, it is considered short term and alimony is much less likely. A marriage over 14 years will normally justify alimony. Marriages that lasted between the two numbers can go either way. The length of the marriage is only one issue. The judge will consider all of the issues before deciding.
The ability of one spouse to pay money and the need of the other spouse. The court will look at your ability to work, whether you worked in the past, and how much you earned. Other issues may be important such as special needs of children and if those needs interfere with work. The court will also look to see if you purposely became unemployed or are earning less due to your own lack of effort.
The amount of property to be divided. If a spouse gets a significant settlement that provides enough money to support their lifestyle, the possibility of alimony is reduced.
Men versus women: Contrary to popular opinion, there is no legal preference if you are a man or woman. Either spouse can seek alimony. Courts are supposed to make decisions without regard to gender. But as you know, reality frequently conflicts with the rules. The bottom line, women still receive some preference for alimony.
61.30 Child support guidelines; retroactive child support.--
(1)(a) The child support guideline amount as determined by this section presumptively establishes the amount the trier of fact shall order as child support in an initial proceeding for such support or in a proceeding for modification of an existing order for such support, whether the proceeding arises under this or another chapter. The trier of fact may order payment of child support which varies, plus or minus 5 percent, from the guideline amount, after considering all relevant factors, including the needs of the child or children, age, station in life, standard of living, and the financial status and ability of each parent. The trier of fact may order payment of child support in an amount which varies more than 5 percent from such guideline amount only upon a written finding explaining why ordering payment of such guideline amount would be unjust or inappropriate. Notwithstanding the variance limitations of this section, the trier of fact shall order payment of child support which varies from the guideline amount as provided in paragraph (11)(b) whenever any of the children are required by court order or mediation agreement to spend a substantial amount of time with the primary and secondary residential parents. This requirement applies to any living arrangement, whether temporary or permanent. (b) The guidelines may provide the basis for proving a substantial change in circumstances upon which a modification of an existing order may be granted. However, the difference between the existing monthly obligation and the amount provided for under the guidelines shall be at least 15 percent or $50, whichever amount is greater, before the court may find that the guidelines provide a substantial change in circumstances. (c) For each support order reviewed by the department as required by s. 409.2564(11), if the amount of the child support award under the order differs by at least 10 percent but not less than $25 from the amount that would be awarded under s. 61.30, the department shall seek to have the order modified and any modification shall be made without a requirement for proof or showing of a change in circumstances. (2) Income shall be determined on a monthly basis for the obligor and for the obligee as follows: (a) Gross income shall include, but is not limited to, the following items: 1. Salary or wages. 2. Bonuses, commissions, allowances, overtime, tips, and other similar payments. 3. Business income from sources such as self-employment, partnership, close corporations, and independent contracts. "Business income" means gross receipts minus ordinary and necessary expenses required to produce income. 4. Disability benefits. 5. All workers' compensation benefits and settlements. 6. Unemployment compensation. 7. Pension, retirement, or annuity payments. 8. Social security benefits. 9. Spousal support received from a previous marriage or court ordered in the marriage before the court. 10. Interest and dividends. 11. Rental income, which is gross receipts minus ordinary and necessary expenses required to produce the income. 12. Income from royalties, trusts, or estates. 13. Reimbursed expenses or in kind payments to the extent that they reduce living expenses. 14. Gains derived from dealings in property, unless the gain is nonrecurring. (b) Income on a monthly basis shall be imputed to an unemployed or underemployed parent when such employment or underemployment is found to be voluntary on that parent's part, absent physical or mental incapacity or other circumstances over which the parent has no control. In the event of such voluntary unemployment or underemployment, the employment potential and probable earnings level of the parent shall be determined based upon his or her recent work history, occupational qualifications, and prevailing earnings level in the community; however, the court may refuse to impute income to a primary residential parent if the court finds it necessary for the parent to stay home with the child. (c) Public assistance as defined in s. 409.2554 shall be excluded from gross income. (3) Allowable deductions from gross income shall include: (a) Federal, state, and local income tax deductions, adjusted for actual filing status and allowable dependents and income tax liabilities. (b) Federal insurance contributions or self-employment tax. (c) Mandatory union dues. (d) Mandatory retirement payments. (e) Health insurance payments, excluding payments for coverage of the minor child. (f) Court-ordered support for other children which is actually paid. (g) Spousal support paid pursuant to a court order from a previous marriage or the marriage before the court. (4) Net income for the obligor and net income for the obligee shall be computed by subtracting allowable deductions from gross income. (5) Net income for the obligor and net income for the obligee shall be added together for a combined net income. (7) Child care costs incurred on behalf of the children due to employment, job search, or education calculated to result in employment or to enhance income of current employment of either parent shall be reduced by 25 percent and then shall be added to the basic obligation. After the adjusted child care costs are added to the basic obligation, any moneys prepaid by the noncustodial parent for child care costs for the child or children of this action shall be deducted from that noncustodial parent's child support obligation for that child or those children. Child care costs shall not exceed the level required to provide quality care from a licensed source for the children. (8) Health insurance costs resulting from coverage ordered pursuant to s. 61.13(1)(b), and any noncovered medical, dental, and prescription medication expenses of the child, shall be added to the basic obligation unless these expenses have been ordered to be separately paid on a percentage basis. After the health insurance costs are added to the basic obligation, any moneys prepaid by the noncustodial parent for health-related costs for the child or children of this action shall be deducted from that noncustodial parent's child support obligation for that child or those children. (9) Each parent's percentage share of the child support need shall be determined by dividing each parent's net income by the combined net income. (10) Each parent's actual dollar share of the child support need shall be determined by multiplying the minimum child support need by each parent's percentage share. (11)(a) The court may adjust the minimum child support award, or either or both parents' share of the minimum child support award, based upon the following considerations: 1. Extraordinary medical, psychological, educational, or dental expenses. 2. Independent income of the child, not to include moneys received by a child from supplemental security income. 3. The payment of support for a parent which regularly has been paid and for which there is a demonstrated need. 4. Seasonal variations in one or both parents' incomes or expenses. 5. The age of the child, taking into account the greater needs of older children. 6. Special needs, such as costs that may be associated with the disability of a child, that have traditionally been met within the family budget even though the fulfilling of those needs will cause the support to exceed the proposed guidelines. 7. Total available assets of the obligee, obligor, and the child. 8. The impact of the Internal Revenue Service dependency exemption and waiver of that exemption. The court may order the primary residential parent to execute a waiver of the Internal Revenue Service dependency exemption if the noncustodial parent is current in support payments. 9. When application of the child support guidelines requires a person to pay another person more than 55 percent of his or her gross income for a child support obligation for current support resulting from a single support order. 10. The particular shared parental arrangement, such as where the child spends a significant amount of time, but less than 40 percent of the overnights, with the noncustodial parent, thereby reducing the financial expenditures incurred by the primary residential parent; or the refusal of the noncustodial parent to become involved in the activities of the child. 11. Any other adjustment which is needed to achieve an equitable result which may include, but not be limited to, a reasonable and necessary existing expense or debt. Such expense or debt may include, but is not limited to, a reasonable and necessary expense or debt which the parties jointly incurred during the marriage. (b) Whenever a particular shared parental arrangement provides that each child spend a substantial amount of time with each parent, the court shall adjust any award of child support, as follows: 1. In accordance with subsections (9) and (10), calculate the amount of support obligation apportioned to the noncustodial parent without including day care and health insurance costs in the calculation and multiply the amount by 1.5. 2. In accordance with subsections (9) and (10), calculate the amount of support obligation apportioned to the custodial parent without including day care and health insurance costs in the calculation and multiply the amount by 1.5. 3. Calculate the percentage of overnight stays the child spends with each parent. 4. Multiply the noncustodial parent's support obligation as calculated in subparagraph 1. by the percentage of the custodial parent's overnight stays with the child as calculated in subparagraph 3. 5. Multiply the custodial parent's support obligation as calculated in subparagraph 2. by the percentage of the noncustodial parent's overnight stays with the child as calculated in subparagraph 3. 6. The difference between the amounts calculated in subparagraphs 4. and 5. shall be the monetary transfer necessary between the custodial and noncustodial parents for the care of the child, subject to an adjustment for day care and health insurance expenses. 7. Pursuant to subsections (7) and (8), calculate the net amounts owed by the custodial and noncustodial parents for the expenses incurred for day care and health insurance coverage for the child. Day care shall be calculated without regard to the 25-percent reduction applied by subsection (7). 8. Adjust the support obligation owed by the custodial or noncustodial parent pursuant to subparagraph 6. by crediting or debiting the amount calculated in subparagraph 7. This amount represents the child support which must be exchanged between the custodial and noncustodial parents. 9. The court may deviate from the child support amount calculated pursuant to subparagraph 8. based upon the considerations set forth in paragraph (a), as well as the custodial parent's low income and ability to maintain the basic necessities of the home for the child, the likelihood that the noncustodial parent will actually exercise the visitation granted by the court, and whether all of the children are exercising the same shared parental arrangement. 10. For purposes of adjusting any award of child support under this paragraph, "substantial amount of time" means that the noncustodial parent exercises visitation at least 40 percent of the overnights of the year. (c) A noncustodial parent's failure to regularly exercise court-ordered or agreed visitation not caused by the custodial parent which resulted in the adjustment of the amount of child support pursuant to subparagraph (a)10. or paragraph (b) shall be deemed a substantial change of circumstances for purposes of modifying the child support award. A modification pursuant to this paragraph shall be retroactive to the date the noncustodial parent first failed to regularly exercise court-ordered or agreed visitation. (12)(a) A parent with a support obligation may have other children living with him or her who were born or adopted after the support obligation arose. If such subsequent children exist, the court, when considering an upward modification of an existing award, may disregard the income from secondary employment obtained in addition to the parent's primary employment if the court determines that the employment was obtained primarily to support the subsequent children. (b) Except as provided in paragraph (a), the existence of such subsequent children should not as a general rule be considered by the court as a basis for disregarding the amount provided in the guidelines. The parent with a support obligation for subsequent children may raise the existence of such subsequent children as a justification for deviation from the guidelines. However, if the existence of such subsequent children is raised, the income of the other parent of the subsequent children shall be considered by the court in determining whether or not there is a basis for deviation from the guideline amount. (c) The issue of subsequent children under paragraph (a) or paragraph (b) may only be raised in a proceeding for an upward modification of an existing award and may not be applied to justify a decrease in an existing award. (13) If the recurring income is not sufficient to meet the needs of the child, the court may order child support to be paid from nonrecurring income or assets. (14) Every petition for child support or for modification of child support shall be accompanied by an affidavit which shows the party's income, allowable deductions, and net income computed in accordance with this section. The affidavit shall be served at the same time that the petition is served. The respondent, whether or not a stipulation is entered, shall make an affidavit which shows the party's income, allowable deductions, and net income computed in accordance with this section. The respondent shall include his or her affidavit with the answer to the petition or as soon thereafter as is practicable, but in any case at least 72 hours prior to any hearing on the finances of either party. (15) For purposes of establishing an obligation for support in accordance with this section, if a person who is receiving public assistance is found to be noncooperative as defined in s. 409.2572, the IV-D agency is authorized to submit to the court an affidavit attesting to the income of the custodial parent based upon information available to the IV-D agency. (16) The Legislature shall review the guidelines established in this section at least every 4 years beginning in 1997. (17) In an initial determination of child support, whether in a paternity action, dissolution of marriage action, or petition for support during the marriage, the court has discretion to award child support retroactive to the date when the parents did not reside together in the same household with the child, not to exceed a period of 24 months preceding the filing of the petition, regardless of whether that date precedes the filing of the petition. In determining the retroactive award in such cases, the court shall consider the following: (a) The court shall apply the guidelines in effect at the time of the hearing subject to the obligor's demonstration of his or her actual income, as defined by subsection (2), during the retroactive period. Failure of the obligor to so demonstrate shall result in the court using the obligor's income at the time of the hearing in computing child support for the retroactive period. (b) All actual payments made by the noncustodial parent to the custodial parent or the child or third parties for the benefit of the child throughout the proposed retroactive period. (c) The court should consider an installment payment plan for the payment of retroactive child support.PARENTING PLAN
Parents’ names:____________________________________ and ____________________________________ Case No. __________________________________________
This Parenting Plan is submitted to the court: [ ] With the agreement of both parents. [ ] By ____________________________________ without the agreement of the other parent. The name(s) and birth date(s) of our child/ren under the age of 18 years is/are: Name Date of Birth ______________________________________________ __________________ ______________________________________________ __________________ ______________________________________________ __________________ ______________________________________________ __________________ ______________________________________________ __________________ Although we will not be living together, in general the best arrangement for our child/ren is to have frequent and continuing contact with both parents. The well-being and needs of our child/ren are a major concern. When the child/ren is/are in either parent’s physical custody, each parent will provide the child/ren with (1) regular and nutritious food, (2) clean and appropriate clothing, and (3) appropriate medical examinations and treatment. Decision making is an important part of parenting and the parent who has the child/ren in their care shall make decisions about the child/ren’s day-to-day care and control. As our child/ren grow/s and change/s and our life situations change, we shall be flexible and cooperative and communicate so we can continue to meet the needs of our child/ren. In addition, when caring for the child/ren, each parent shall: • Require the child/ren to obey and respect the child/ren's teachers and the law. • Require the child/ren to attend all regular sessions of school until graduation, unless excused by medical reasons, the school, the court or both parents. • ___________________________________________________________________________________
EXCEPT FOR THE HOLIDAYS SELECTED BELOW, OUR PARENTING SCHEDULE WILL BE: (list days, evenings, overnights, times of day) Our child/ren will be with Mother: ______ Our child/ren will be with Father: _______________________________________________________________
POLICY FOR SCHEDULING CHANGES: In the event occasional scheduling changes need to be made, a request for such change will be made at least ______ hours in advance. Requests may need to be refused from time to time. Neither parent will schedule any activities for the child/ren that interfere with the other parent’s scheduled time.
[]When our child/ren is ill during a scheduled block of parenting time and cannot be with the other parent, this time will be made up as soon as possible.
UNINTERRUPTED TIME AND HOLIDAYS: Each parent will have ______ days of uninterrupted time with the child/ren each year with ____ [ ]hours [ ]days advance notice to the other parent. The uninterrupted time of either parent will have priority over holidays occurring during the uninterrupted time. Mother will have priority for uninterrupted time in [ ]even-numbered [ ]odd-numbered years. Father will have priority for uninterrupted time in [ ]even-numbered [ ]odd-numbered years. [ ]Both of us will discuss with the other parent our vacation plans with the child/ren. “Vacation” is defined as a trip of up to _________ days away from home.
The Holiday Schedule for the Child/ren is as Follows: (Write “mother” or “father” under the headings Even Years, Odd Years or Every Year. Write the “hour and day” the child/ren will start the time with mother or father under the heading Start and the “hour and day” the child/ren will end the time with that parent under the heading End.) *Holidays that are observed on Monday. SPECIAL DAYS Even Years Odd Years Every Year Start End New Years Day ____________ ____________ _______ _______ *Martin Luther King Day ____________ ____________ ____________ _______ _______ *Presidents' Day ____________ ____________ ____________ _______ _______ Easter ____________ ____________ ____________ _______ _______ *Memorial Day ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ Fourth of July ____________ _____________ ____________ _______ _______ *Labor Day ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ *Columbus Day ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ Halloween ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ Veterans' Day ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ Thanksgiving Day ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ December 24 ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ December. 25 ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ Child/ren's Birthday ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ _________________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ _________________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ _________________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______ _________________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ________ _______
[ ] Our child/ren will spend MOTHER’S DAY with mother and FATHER’S DAY with father each year. [ ]When a holiday falls on a weekend, our child/ren will spend that holiday with the parent they are scheduled to be with [ ]that holiday or [ ]that weekend. [ ]When a holiday falls on the Friday before or the Monday after a weekend, our child/ren will spend that holiday with the parent they are scheduled to be with [ ]that holiday or [ ]that weekend.
PARENTING PLAN
[ ]If the holiday schedule results in our child/ren spending 3 weekends in a row with the same parent, the other parent will have our child/ren the weekend following the holiday weekend. This will result in each parent having the child/ren for 2 weekends in a row. WINTER/CHRISTMAS SCHOOL BREAK will be divided as follows: First Part, from __________ o'clock ___.m. on ___________________________ until ___________ o'clock ___.m. on ____________________________, the child/ren will be with ________________________________. Second Part, from __________ o'clock ___.m. on ___________________________ until ___________ o'clock ___.m. on ____________________________, the child/ren will be with ____________________________. or __________________________________________________________________________________________
SPRING BREAK is defined as the following time period _____________________________________________ ________________________________________________ Our child/ren will spend SPRING BREAK as follows: __________________________________________________________________________________________
EDUCATION: Each of us will take responsibility for communicating with our child/ren's schools, to remain informed and to attend conferences with our child/ren's teachers and counselors. We will authorize our child/ren’s schools to release any and all information to either parent. Major decisions about education will be made by: [ ] both mother and Father or [ ] Mother [ ] Father. COMMUNICATION: During separation from our child/ren, we will maintain frequent contact with our child/ren by phone, letter, postcards, video, electronically or audio tapes. Each parent will respect their child/ren's right to privacy to such communication. We will encourage our child/ren to communicate frequently with the other parent and we will help our young child/ren to communicate with the other parent. We will inform the other parent of the address and telephone number where our child/ren can be reached anytime s/he is away from home for more than [ ] 48 hours -or- _______ hours. Each of us will provide the other parent with our current address and telephone number to allow us to communicate with and about our child/ren. To protect our child/ren from any conflict between us, neither of us will question our child/ren about the other parent and neither of us will not speak negatively about the other parent any time our child/ren can hear. We will communicate directly with each other and not through our child/ren and will focus our discussions on the child/ren. SAFETY: We will not compromise the safety of our child/ren. Further, we will • Personally supervise and control the conduct and activities of a child under the age of ______ years except when the child is at school or in known or usual recreational activities or in the immediate care of another competent person. • Not operate a vehicle when impaired by alcohol or drugs when our child/ren is in the vehicle or use alcohol carelessly when our child/ren is in our care. • Provide and use child safety restraints for our child/ren as required by law. • ____________________________________________________________________________________
LOVE AND AFFECTION: Each parent shall encourage love and affection between the child/ren and the other parent. Neither parent shall do anything, nor permit any other person residing in their household to do anything, which would alienate the child/ren from the other parent or distort the child/ren's opinion of the other parent or impair the child/ren's love and respect for the other parent. READINESS: The child/ren shall be ready and promptly available for all custody exchanges. The child/ren shall be exchanged with sufficient clean clothing appropriate for ordinary activities. We will arrive on time (no more than 10 minutes early or late) to exchange our child/ren, and we will deliver our child/ren's personal belongings at the same time we exchange our child/ren. We will assist our young child/ren to remember to take the personal belongings and school supplies s/he needs. HEALTH CARE: The child/ren shall be provided with regular health, optical and dental care and each parent shall make sure our child/ren take(s) his/her prescription medications as directed. • In emergencies, each parent can consent to emergency medical treatment for our child/ren as needed. The intent is to take care of the medical emergency first and communicate with the other parent as soon as possible. • We will communicate with each other on major health care for our child/ren. • Each parent shall instruct our child/ren’s health care providers to list both parents on the health records. • Each parent has the right to the child/ren's medical information and records. • Non-emergency health care decisions will be made by: (for each type of care, place an “X’ under “Mother”, “Father” or “Both Parents”) Type of Care By Mother By Father By Both Parents Medical ________ _______ _______ Dental ________ _______ _______ Optical ________ _______ _______ Orthodontic ________ _______ _______ Psychiatric ________ _______ _______ Psychological ________ _______ _______ Special Education ________ _______ _______ Addiction Treatment ________ _______ _______ Counseling ________ _______ _______ Any health care for the child/ren, whether or not covered by insurance, that would result in an actual out- of-pocket expense of over $500 to the parent who did not incur or consent to the expense, must be approved in advance, in writing, by both parents or by prior court order. (Note: The court may consider whether consent for out-of-pocket expenses in excess of $500 was unreasonably requested or withheld and order payment of the incurred expense in some percentage other than the Guidelines Income.) CHILD CARE: The work-related child care provider shall be chosen by [ ]Mother [ ]Father [ ]both parents.
If occasional (not work-related) child care is needed, we [ ]shall be [ ]are not required to offer the other parent the chance to provide this care before seeking someone else to care for our child/ren. The parent who has physical custody shall make any needed occasional child care arrangements and pay any costs.
TRANSPORTATION: [ ]The parent who is receiving our child/ren will pick him/her/them up or arrange to have him/her/them picked up. Or [ ] . The actual COSTS of transporting our children beyond ________ miles shall be paid by each parent in the following percentages: _______% mother _______% father.
RELOCATION BY PARENT: Neither parent shall move our child/ren more than _________ miles without our mutual written agreement or a court order. We shall give each other at least _________ days written notice when a decision to move is made. The written notice shall contain: • The new address and mailing address, as soon as it is known • Telephone number, as soon as it is known • Date move will be made. • __________________________________________________________________________________ OTHER AGREEMENTS REGARDING OUR CHILD/REN:
[ ] Attorney Fees: If the court finds one of the parents is in willful disobedience of a provision of this Parenting Plan, then the parent seeking to enforce that provision is entitled to costs and a reasonable attorney's fee at the discretion of the court. Complete Agreement: By signing this Parenting Plan we state that this written agreement contains the entire understanding of both parents and no earlier written or verbal agreements are enforceable. Voluntary Execution: By signing this Parenting Plan, we acknowledge we enter into this Parenting Plan freely, voluntarily and without any duress or undue force, pressure or influence and intending to be legally bound by the agreement. Each of us is aware we are entitled to obtain legal counsel concerning any questions we have about this agreement before we sign it.
Duration: Once this Parenting Plan is made an order of the court, by agreement or by default judgment, it
remains in effect unless modified by court order.
[ ]We understand our unsigned Parenting Plan (or a copy) will be delivered to our attorney(s) for review.
We understand our signed Parenting Plan (or a copy) will:
(check all that apply)
[ ]Serve as our interim parenting arrangement until a custody/visitation order is signed by the judge.
[ ]Be delivered to our case judge to be merged and incorporated into the final order in our case, at the
discretion of the judge.
BASIC PARENTING PLAN GUIDE
PARENTING PLAN – Exhibit 1 ) [ ] Proposed by _______________ Respondent ) (Petitioner/Respondent) [ ] Co-Petitioner [ ] Agreed upon by both parents 1. INFORMATION ABOUT THE CHILD(REN) Full Name Date of Birth Sex (circle one) M / F M / F M / F M / F
2. PARENTING TIME SCHEDULE 2.1 Weekday and Weekend Schedule. For examples of possible parenting time schedules, see the section “What Will My Parenting Plan Look Like?”(page 12) of the BASIC PARENTING PLAN GUIDE FOR PARENTS. A. The child(ren) shall spend time with on the following days and times: (name of parent) WEEKENDS: [ ] every [ ] every other [ ] other (specify) from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to OTHER: (specify) B. The child(ren) shall spend time with : (name of other parent) (Choose one) [ ] At all times not specified above, or [ ] On the following days and times: WEEKENDS: [ ] every [ ] every other [ ] other (specify) from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to
BASIC PARENTING PLAN (GUIDE) [Rev. 12/03] Exhibit 1 OTHER: (specify) C. Check box if there is a different parenting time schedule for any child. Complete a separate Attachment for each child for whom there is a different parenting time schedule. Label it Attachment 2.1(C). [ ] There is a different parenting time schedule for the following child(ren) in Attachment 2.1(C): , , and (name of child) (name of child) (name of child) 2.2 Summer Schedule. (Choose one) [ ] The summer schedule will remain the same as during the school year. [ ] The summer schedule will remain the same as during the school year, except for the following vacation times: ___________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ [ ] A. The child(ren) shall spend time with on the following days and times: (name of parent) WEEKENDS: [ ] every [ ] every other [ ] other (specify) from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to OTHER: (specify) B. The child(ren) shall spend time with : (name of other parent) (Choose one) [ ] At all times not specified above, or [ ] On the following days and times: WEEKENDS: [ ] every [ ] every other [ ] other (specify) from to WEEKDAYS: Specify days from to OTHER: (specify) 2.3 Holiday Schedule. The following holiday schedule will take priority over the regular weekday, weekend, and summer schedules described above. Fill in the blanks below with the parent’s name to indicate where the child(ren) will be for the holidays. Provide beginning and ending times. If a holiday is not specified as even, odd, or every year with one parent, then the child(ren) will remain with the parent they are normally scheduled to be with.
BASIC PARENTING PLAN (GUIDE) Exhibit 1 Holidays Even Years Odd Years Every Year Beginning/Ending Times Mother’s Day _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ Father’s Day _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ Thanksgiving _________ _________ _________ Christmas Eve _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ Christmas Day _________ _________ _________ Easter _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ Memorial Day Weekend _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ Fourth of July _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ Labor Day Weekend _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ Other: ___________________ _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ ___________________ _________ _________ _________ ____________________________ ___________________ _________ _________ _________ ____________________________
This holiday schedule may affect your regular Parenting Time Schedule. You may wish to specify one or more of the following options: [ ] When parents are using an alternating weekend plan and the holiday schedule would result in one parent having the child(ren) for three weekends in a row, the alternating weekend pattern will restart so neither parent will go without having the child(ren) for more than two weekends in a row. [ ] If a parent has our child(ren) on a weekend with an unspecified holiday or non-school day attached, they shall have our child(ren) for the holiday or non-school day. [ ] Other:______________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________
2.4 Winter Break. [ ] Our child(ren) will spend half of Winter Break with each parent. [ ] Other: Details for sharing time with our child(ren) during Winter Break (including New Year’s Day) are: ___________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________ 2.5 Spring Break. (The weekday days of school Spring Break). [ ] Our child(ren) will alternate spending spring break with each parent, spending it with _____________ ______ in even years and with _______ ______ ____ in odd years. (parent name) (parent name) [ ] Our child(ren) will be in the care of each parent according to the schedule described in Section 2.1 above. [ ] Our child(ren) will spend part of spring break with each parent (provide details): 2.6 Child(ren)’s Birthdays. [ ] Our child(ren)’s birthdays will be planned so that both parents may participate in the birthday celebration. [ ] Our child(ren) will be in the care of each parent according to the schedule described in Section 2.1 to 2.6 above. [ ] Other:
BASIC PARENTING PLAN (GUIDE)
Exhibit 1 2.7 Temporary Changes to the Schedule. Any schedule for sharing time with our child(ren) may be changed as long as both parents agree to the changes ahead of time: [ ] in writing; [ ] verbally (choose one) Activities scheduled that will affect the other parent’s time must be coordinated with the other parent. Makeup and Missed Parenting time: Only substantial medical reasons will be considered sufficient for post- ponement of parenting time. If a child is ill and unable to spend time with a parent, a makeup parenting time will be scheduled. If a parent fails to have the child(ren) during their scheduled parenting time for any other reason, there will be no makeup of parenting time unless the parents agree otherwise: [ ] in writing [ ] verbally (choose one) 2.8 Permanent Changes to the Schedule. We understand that, once the judge signs the final judgment in our case and approves this Parenting Plan, any changes that we do not agree on can be made only by applying to the court for a modification. One parent cannot change a court-ordered Parenting Plan on their own. Before applying to the court, we understand that we can agree to try to resolve our dispute through mediation or other means (See Section 10). 2.9 Alternate Care. (See Instructions) [ ] We choose not to specify ground rules for alternate care. [ ] Alternate care for our child(ren) will be handled as follows: ___________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________
2.10 Primary Residence (Optional). See definition of “primary residence” in the section “Words I Need to Know” (page 33) of the BASIC PARENTING PLAN GUIDE FOR PARENTS. ___________________________________________________________________________________________[ ] ____________________’s home shall be considered the “primary residence.” (name of one parent) [ ] Neither parent’s home shall be considered the “primary residence.” 3. DECISION MAKING: 3.1 Day-to-Day Decisions. Each parent will make day-to-day decisions regarding the care and control of our child(ren) during the time they are caring for our child(ren). This includes any emergency decisions affecting the health or safety of our child(ren). 3.2 Major Decisions (Joint or Sole Custody). Major decisions include, but are not limited to, decisions about our child(ren)’s education, non-emergency healthcare and religious training. Choose one: [ ] Both parents will share in the responsibility for making major decisions about our child(ren). This arrangement is known by the courts as Joint Custody. or [ ] __________________(Parent’s name) shall have sole decision-making authority on major decisions about our child(ren). This arrangement is known by the courts as Sole Custody. ___________________________________________________________________________________________Page
BASIC PARENTING PLAN (GUIDE) Exhibit 1 The sole custody parent named above shall (optional): [ ] Consult with the other parent prior to making major decisions [ ] Have the option to consult with the other parent prior to making major decisions. or [ ] Other (Describe how major decisions will be handled): ____________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ 4. INFORMATION SHARING. Unless there is a court order stating otherwise: Both parents have equal rights to inspect and receive the child(ren)’s school records, and both parents are encouraged to consult with school staff concerning the child(ren)’s welfare and education. Both parents are encouraged to participate in and attend the child(ren)’s school events. Both parents have equal rights to inspect and receive governmental agency and law enforcement records concerning the child(ren). Both parents have equal rights to consult with any person who may provide care or treatment for the child(ren) and to inspect and receive the child(ren)’s medical, dental and psychological records. Each parent has a continuing responsibility to provide a residential, mailing, or contact address and contact telephone number to the other parent. Each parent has a continuing responsibility to immediately notify the other parent of any emergency circumstances or substantial changes in the health of the child, including the child’s medical needs. 5. FUTURE MOVES BY A PARENT. Unless there is a court order stating otherwise: Neither parent may move to a residence more than 60 miles further distant from the other parent without giving the other parent _____ days’ notice of the change of residence and providing a copy of such notice to the court. 6. PARENT-CHILD COMMUNICATION [ ] Both parents and child(ren) shall have the right to communicate by telephone, in writing or by e-mailing during reasonable hours without interference or monitoring by the other parent. [ ] Procedures for telephone, written, or e-mail access (describe ground rules for parent-child communication). ___________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________
7. EXCHANGE OF OUR CHILD(REN) Both parents shall have the child(ren) ready on time with sufficient clothing packed and ready at the agreed-upon time of exchange. All clothing that accompanied our child(ren) shall be returned to the other parent. [ ] While both parents continue to reside in the same locale, both parents shall share equally in the responsibility of exchanging our child(ren) from one parent to the other. [ ] Other: (provide details for the exchange of the child(ren)): __ _____________________________________________________________________ ___
– BASIC PARENTING PLAN (GUIDE) Exhibit 1 8. MUTUAL RESPECT Parents will not say things or knowingly allow others to say things in the presence of our child(ren) that would take away our child(ren)’s love and respect for the other parent. 9. OTHER TERMS Add any other items regarding the child(ren) you would like to include in your Parenting Plan. Use additional sheets if necessary. [ ] Additional sheets attached 10. DISPUTE RESOLUTION We will first attempt to cooperatively resolve any disputes that may arise over the terms of this Parenting Plan. If that attempt fails (choose one): [ ] We will use mediation or other dispute resolution methods (specify): As a last resort, the dispute shall be resolved through court action. [ ] Mediation or other dispute resolution methods will not be required prior to filing a court action.
BIRTH TO 12 MONTHS Plan A (1 st Option): Three periods of 3 to 6 hours spaced throughout each week. Frequent contact helps the child bond.
Plan A (2 nd Option): Two 6 hour periods spaced throughout each week. Use when schedules or conflict make more frequent exchanges difficult. Bonding may be slowed. Plan B: Two 3 hour periods and one 8 hour period spaced throughout each week. Plan C: Two periods of 3 to 6 hours and one overnight each week. 12 TO 24 MONTHS Plan A (1 st Option): Three periods of 3 to 6 hours spaced throughout each week. Frequent contact helps the child bond. Plan A (2 nd Option): Two 6 hour periods spaced throughout each week. Use when schedules or conflict make more frequent exchanges difficult. Bonding may be slowed. Plan B: Two 4 hour periods and one 8 hour period spaced throughout each week. Plan C: One daytime period of 3 to 6 hours and two non-consecutive overnights each week. 24 TO 36 MONTHS Plan A (1 st Option): Two 3 to 4 hour periods and one 8 hour period spaced throughout each week. Plan A (2 nd Option): Two periods of 3 to 6 hours and one overnight each week. Plan B: One period of 3 to 6 hours and two non-consecutive overnights each week. Ideally child should not be separated from either parent for > 4 days. Plan C: One period of 3 to 6 hours and two consecutive overnights each week. Page 27 -14- 3 TO 5 YEARS OLD Plan A1: Two consecutive overnights every other week and an additional overnight or afternoon or evening period each week. Options for 24 to 36 months are also appropriate. M T W Th F S Su Alternating weeks from Friday at 5:00 p.m. to Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Each week on Wednesday from 5:30 p.m. to Thursday at 8:00 a.m. Plan A2: Three consecutive overnights in week one. Another overnight or afternoon or evening period of 3 to 4 hours may be added in week 2 . M T W Th F S Su Alternating weeks from Thursday at 5:30 p.m. to Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Alternating weeks from Wednesday at 5:30 p.m. to Thursday at 8:00 a.m. Page 28 -15- 3 to 5 Years Old — Continued Plan B: Four consecutive overnights in week one. Another overnight or afternoon or evening period of 3 to 4 hours may be added in week 2. M T W Th F S Su Alternating weeks from Thursday at 5:30 p.m. to Monday at 8:00 a.m. Alternating weeks from Thursday at 5:30 p.m. to Friday at 8:00 a.m. Plan C1: Parents split each week and the weekend. Provides a consistent routine and accommodates child’s ability to be apart from either parent for only three days. Also allows a “stay home” day with each parent each week. M T W Th F S Su Each week from Sunday at 8:00 a.m. to Wednesday at 12:00 p.m. Page 29 -16- 3 to 5 Years Old — Continued Plan C2: Each parent has the same two consecutive mid-week overnights each week and alternates the weekends. Provides each parent with alternating full weekends with and without the child. Helpful when parents conflicts make exchanges difficult. M T W Th F S Su Each week on Monday after daycare or 8:00 p.m. if no daycare to Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. Alternating weekends from Friday to Monday. 6 - 9 Y EARS O LD and 10 TO 13 Y EARS O LD Plan A1: Two consecutive overnights every other week; an additional 3 to 6 hour period or overnight may be added each week. Plan is suitable for 6-13 years old children. M T W Th F S Su Alternating weeks from Friday at 5:30 p.m. to Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Each Wednesday from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Page 30 -17- 6 - 9 Y EARS O LD and 10 TO 13 Y EARS O LD — Continued Plan A2: Three consecutive overnights every other week and an additional 4 to 6 hour period each week. Plan is suitable for 6-13 years old children. M T W Th F S Su Alternating weeks from Monday at 5:30 p.m. to Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. Every Saturday from 2:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. Plan B: Four consecutive overnights in week one with an additional overnight in week two. Plan is suitable for 6-13 years old children. M T W Th F S Sn Alternating weeks from Wednesday at 5:30 p.m. to Sunday at 8:00 a.m. Alternating weeks on Tuesday from 5:30 p.m. to Tuesday at 8:00 p.m. or Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. Page 31 -18- 6 - 9 Y EARS O LD and 10 TO 13 Y EARS O LD — Continued Plan C1: Split each week and weekend. Allows each parent to participate more in child’s academic life. Provides a consistent routine. Accommodates child’s ability to be apart from either parent for only three days. Plan is suitable for 6-13 years old children. M T W Th F S Su Each week from Sunday at 8:00 a.m. to Wednesday at 12:00 p.m. Plan C2: Each parent has the same two consecutive mid-week overnights each week and alternates the weekends. Provides each parent with alternating full weekends with and without child. Helps when conflict makes exchanges difficult. Plan is suitable for 6-13 years old children. M T W Th F S Su Each Monday after school to Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. Alternate weekends. Page 32 -19- 6 - 9 Y EARS O LD and 10 TO 13 Y EARS O LD — Continued Plan C3: Parents share time with child during alternating seven day periods. A mid-week overnight period is optional for non-access parent. Requires effective parental communication and cooperation re: child’s chosen activities or lessons. Plan is suitable for 6-13 years old children. M T W Th F S Su Parents share time with the child on an alternating week basis. One parent drops off the child at school at 8:00 a.m. Friday, while other picks up the child after school. 14 TO 18 Y EARS O LD Plan A: Two consecutive overnights every other week, preferably on the weekend. Optional additional afternoon or evening period each week. One “home base.” M T W Th F S Su Alternating weeks from Friday at 5:30 p.m. to Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Each Wednesday from 5:30 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Page 33 -20- 14 TO 18 Y EARS O LD — Continued Plan B: Parents share time with child during alternating 7 day periods; mid-week overnight period is optional for non-access parent; requires effective communication and cooperation re: child’s chosen activities or lessons. M T W Th F S Su Parents share time with the child on alternating basis. Optional Wednesday overnight with non-access parent. Plan C: Parents share time with the child on an alternating basis. However, both parents have access to the child on both weekends and weekdays each week. M T W Th F S Su Alternating weeks from Wednesday overnight to Saturday afternoons. Alternating weeks from Tuesday overnights to Saturday afternoons. Both parents share time with the child on weekends and weekdays each week.
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