Urgo
Written By: Tor Alexander Valenza
Directed By: Peter DeLuise
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters, dialogue and plotlines
are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret and Gekko
productions. No copyright infringement was intended. I am not making
any money out of this and it is intended only to help fans who may
have missed an episode or are interested in the dialogue.
Archive: Please do not archive without permission. Sites with
permission include Danny and Nic, SG1fans.net and Stargatefan.
Starring:
Richard Dean Anderson as Colonel Jack O'Neill
Michael Shanks as Dr Daniel Jackson
Amanda Tapping as Major Samantha Carter
Christopher Judge as Teal'c
Don S Davis as General George Hammond
Teryl Rothery as Dr Janet Fraiser
Also Starring:
Dom DeLuise as Urgo/Togar
Nickolas Baric as SF Guard
Bill Nikolai as Technician Alberts.
Peter DeLuise watch: Airman that Urgo turns into.
Scene: Control Room
SG-1 and Hammond are watching a screen that appears to show a beach
paradise.
CARTER: Probe indicates a sustainable atmosphere. Temperature's
78
degrees farenheit, barometric pressures normal.
DANIEL: No obvious signs of civilisation.
CARTER: P4X 884 looks like an untouched paradise, sir.
TEAL'C: Appearances may be deceiving.
O'NEILL: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
DANIEL: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
O'NEILL: Never run with scissors?
HAMMOND: Were you trying to make a point, Major?
CARTER: Yes, sir. We should perform a standard recon mission. Mineral
and biological survey to determine whether 884 is a viable site for a
research colony.
HAMMOND: Very well. You have a go.
O'NEILL: Mmm! Mineral survey. My favourite!
HAMMOND: Colonel.
O'NEILL: I know, General. It's all fun and games until
someone breaks
a nail.
Hammond just looks at him. Jack shrugs and leaves.
Scene: Gateroom
SG-1 is kitted up.
O'NEILL: Au revoir, mon general.
TEAL'C: I am unfamiliar with that term, O'Neill.
O'NEILL: Au revoir. It's French. It means ciao. Ciao means
adios. Auf
wiedersehen. Sayonara. Which all, very loosely translated, means…
They step through the Gate.
And they step back through the Gate into the Gateroom. Hammond is
waiting.
O'NEILL: Goodbye?
HAMMOND: Stand down. What happened?
O'NEILL: What happened?
HAMMOND: That's what I just asked you. Will someone please
explain?
CARTER: General, we just left. We went through the Gate and we came
back.. here.
HAMMOND: Major, you've been gone over 15 hours.
TITLES
Scene: Infirmary
SG-1 are sat on beds and a chair. From the left, Daniel, Jack, Sam,
Teal'c.
FRAISER: Bloodwork is normal. So far, you check out fine.
DANIEL: What about the lost time?
CARTER: Could we have been drugged with something that leaves no
trace?
FRAISER: Externally, there's no new marks or bruises on your skin
to
indicate injections or any kind of struggle. What's the last
thing
you remember?
CARTER: We were walking up the ramp.
TEAL'C: O'Neill was explaining the meaning of ciao.
O'NEILL: We stepped through, we stepped back through. That's
what
happened as far as we're concerned.
HAMMOND: When you didn't come back on schedule, we sent a second
MALP. But all it showed was the same image of the alien planet we saw
before. There was no sign of you and no response to our radio call.
CARTER: That's why there were two MALP's in the Gateroom when
we came
back.
HAMMOND: Both came back just before you arrived. We assumed you sent
them.
CARTER: It wasn't us, sir.
Scene: Briefing Room
CARTER: This is the Mark II MALP's transmission.
Sam inserts a disc and the picture of the beach comes up.
HAMMOND: That's what we saw, Major.
CARTER: Yes, sir. Same as the first. Except where is it? If this is
the second MALP's transmission, we should be able to see the
first
MALP somewhere here, near the Stargate.
O'NEILL: Isn't that thing supposed to… probe a little?
CARTER: Well there'd be track, sir, and there are none, at least
nowhere in this image. Watch what happens when you run the playback
frame by frame.
Jack walks over to Daniel and offers him coffee.
Sam runs the playback, frame by frame and then stops.
CARTER: There.
There is an image of a lab and the MALP.
DANIEL: Hello.
HAMMOND: What is it?
CARTER: I'm not sure, sir. Their technology appears to be
advanced
beyond ours.
HAMMOND: Then the previous image was faked?
CARTER: There's no other explanation, sir. The initial images
portraying this planet as a paradise seem to have been manufactured
and then broadcast back to us through the MALP.
HAMMOND: Why?
CARTER: Possibly with the purpose of luring us into this room.
O'NEILL: See? I knew it was too good to be true.
DANIEL: Wow! This coffee's great.
CARTER: I was just thinking that.
O'NEILL: Yeah, is that cinnamon?
DANIEL: It's, uh, it's chicory.
O'NEILL: Mmm, chicory.
Teal'c unscrews the lid off the pot Jack brought to the table. He
then proceeds to drink from it.
CARTER: Teal'c?
Teal'c finishes and sighs.
TEAL'C: Ah!
O'NEILL: Isn't that hot?
TEAL'C: Extremely.
HAMMOND: Just stay on the base. We're going to have to keep an
eye on
you for the time being.
DANIEL: I feel fine.
TEAL'C: As do I Daniel Jackson.
HAMMOND: For someone who just drank half a gallon of steaming hot
coffee?!
O'NEILL: Right.
Scene: Commisary
Jack is sitting at a table looking over some papers. He has a piece
of pie with him and starts to eat it. He looks back at the pie and
picks another forkful up to smell it. He then picks up the whole
piece and eats it.
Scene: MALP Room
Sam is checking over the MALP's when she suddenly gets up and
walks
off.
Scene: Daniel's office
Daniel is sitting writing something when he suddenly gets up and
walks off.
Scene: Commisary
Sam and Daniel open the doors to find Jack sitting and eating at a
table with all of the desserts on.
DANIEL: Hungry?
CARTER: Yeah.
O'NEILL: Try the pie.
Daniel sits down next to Jack, Sam opposite Jack and Teal'c next
to
Sam. The SF's who were assigned to watch them sit at a table
behind.
Daniel starts to eat the pie, Sam eats blue jello, Jack is eating
yoghurt and Teal'c is eating some kind of cake.
CARTER: So I'm running a full diagnostic on the….
She puts the jello in her mouth.
CARTER: Wow!
O'NEILL: Oh, yeah.
DANIEL: This is the best pie I've ever had.
CARTER: Well, what's so different about it?
O'NEILL: Same old pie.
TEAL'C: It is most satisfying.
CARTER: Why do they taste so good?
O'NEILL: I don't know. All I do know is.. I don't even
like yoghurt.
TANNOY: SG-1, report to Medlab 3.
They get up to leave. When Jack reaches the door he stops, banging
into the SF's.
O'NEILL: Wait. Sorry.. Sorry.
He picks up a piece of pie to take with him.
Scene: Medlab 3
FRAISER: These scans have a certain percentage of error. Basically,
it looks like an errant pixel.
CARTER: But it's in the exact same place in each of the scans.
FRAISER: Yeah. Thank you. So I had to run a comparitive analysis on
the computer to be sure. It's in the exact same spot in each of
your
brains but you're talking about something smaller than the head
of a
pin.
CARTER: Barely large enough to show up on an x-ray.
FRAISER: Right. Which is why I also needed to run an electron
resonance scan and.. This is, uh, magnified several thousand times,
sir.
She puts the scan up and we see it looks like a metal ball.
DANIEL: That thing's in all of us?
FRAISER: I'm afraid so.
Scene: Medlab 3.
Hammond has arrived.
HAMMOND: Can these devices be removed?
FRAISER: Not without causing irreparable brain damage, sir.
O'NEILL: What's the downside?
FRAISER: How they were implanted without any external marks or injury
to the cortex is beyond me.
HAMMOND: Can you determine what threat they pose?
O'NEILL: Apparently all desserts on base are in grave danger.
FRAISER: We've determined that there's a barely measurable
electromagnetic field being emitted by the devices. But I'm not sure
what that means.
CARTER: Well, so far, all we've noticed are some cravings and a
certain increased acuity in our senses.
DANIEL: Especially taste and smell.
HAMMOND: Until we find out the true purpose of these objects, I'm
quarantining you in the Level 22 isolation quarters with a 24-hour
guard.
Scene: Level 22 Isolation Quarters
Sam is at the computer, Daniel and Teal'c are playing a game and
Jack
is playing on a gameboy.
URGO: Boring!
Jack looks round and Sam looks up.
O'NEILL: Who said that?
DANIEL: It wasn't me.
URGO: What d'you say we all go do something?
O'NEILL: Teal'c? Did you hear that?
TEAL'C: I did.
O'NEILL: Who's there?
URGO: Okay! I'll make it so you can all see me, but only because
you
asked.
A man suddenly appears in front of them.
URGO: You all can see me, right?
DANIEL: Apparently.
URGO: Oh, good, I'm so glad. Hello, hello, hello. Now you all say
it.
ALL: Hello, Urgo.
URGO: Do you know, you're all much better looking on the outside
than
you are on the inside? On the inside, it's so complicated. Oooh,
please!
O'NEILL: Airman! Could you come here? Do you see an intruder in
this
room anywhere?
The Airman looks round.
AIRMAN: No sir.
O'NEILL: Right. Dismissed.
The Airman leaves.
O'NEILL: All right. What are you?
URGO: Urgo.
DANIEL: Which might explain why we all just said, "Hello
Urgo."
URGO: No, you are not dreaming.
DANIEL: You read our thoughts?
URGO: Don't panic. Just the thoughts you're having at the
moment.
CARTER: Of course. You're actually…in our heads, aren't
you?
URGO: You are so smart Samantha. I love that about you.
O'NEILL: Carter?
CARTER: The technology implanted in our brains, sir. We're
looking at
some sort of visual communication interface: controlled hallucination.
O'NEILL: So… I.. uh…. what?
URGO: He gets confused! By the way, who is Mary Steenburgen?
CARTER: This is incredible. I mean, the devices must be linked
somehow. Dr Fraiser said they're all emitting a small EM field
– like
radio frequencies.
DANIEL: Are you saying the devices in our brains are some sort of
wireless computer network?
CARTER: Yeah, an incredibly sophisticated one, obviously able to work
over significant distance. I mean, that's why we were all drawn
to
the commissary when Colonel O'Neill was eating dessert.
O'NEILL: He can make us do stuff?
URGO: No, never. In spite of what you're thinking, never.
CARTER: But you can make suggestions, can't you. And enhance our
sensory perception and experiences.
DANIEL: Like making things taste better?
URGO: Well, didn't it?
CARTER: Well, why not? I mean, he's tapped into our brains.
He's
making us all see and hear him.
URGO: Boring! By the way, who decorated this room? It is so plain.
Please don't tell me your whole planet's like this. Not the
whole
planet! Hey, couldn't we go someplace else – that's not
here?
Someplace, y'know, that's not here? Um, kree! Anywhere.
Boring!
Scene: Infirmary
SG-1 is back sat on the beds. From the left, Teal'c, Daniel, Sam,
Jack. Janet is stood near the door, as is Urgo although she can't
see
him.
FRAISER: Okay. So what does he look like?
O'NEILL: A famous tenor.
URGO: What's this?
FRAISER: And you're seeing the exact same thing at the exact same
time?
CARTER: Yep.
URGO: What is this?
CARTER: It's a defibrillator.
Janet looks confused.
URGO: Ahh, interesting. Thank you. Is it… defibrillating… now?
CARTER: He, um… it seems to crave new experiences. [To Urgo] You
use
the paddles to administer an electric shock to people who's
hearts
are beating irregularly.
URGO: Ahhh. And then they feel better? Does it feel good? Does it
hurt? Woo! It hurts!
DANIEL: I would think so.
URGO: Let's try it!
DANIEL: No, I don't think so.
URGO: Why not? It's not gonna kill you is it? Or is it?
FRAISER: It talks to you?
CARTER: I think it's experiencing things through us, using our
senses
to collect information.
URGO: [To Teal'c] Try the paddles.
Teal'c gets up.
FRAISER: So do you experience any… physi..cal sensations?
Teal'c goes to the defibrillator and switches it on.
FRAISER: Hey!
O'NEILL: Teal'c!
URGO: Will you loosen up?
O'NEILL: Hey…. I'm loose.
CARTER: He doesn't have total control over us. Just the power of
suggestion.
DANIEL: He also seems to be able to enhance our enjoyment of certain
experiences in order to motivate us.
FRAISER: Really?
TEAL'C: He appears unresponsive to direct questioning.
URGO: No, no that's not true. I'm picking your brains. You
can pick
my brains. I'll tell you anything you wanna know. Ask me. Ask me
anything. What? What?
TEAL'C: Tell us how to remove you from our brains.
URGO: Oh… (blows raspberry) Except that! Duh!
O'NEILL: You said anything.
URGO: Wait a minute. Why do you want to remove me from your brains,
don't you understand, I'm in your brains. I know you like me.
What
are you trying to… You can't fool me.
O'NEILL: No Urgo. We don't like you.
URGO: Oh admit it, tough guy. A smidgen?
O'NEILL: No smidgen.
URGO: I wouldn't blame you. I have a lot of endearing qualities.
TEAL'C: He will not co-operate O'Neill.
URGO: Why you…. Years from now, when you're thinking about
me, you'll
say… "How did I ever get along without that wonderful
constant
companion?" Woof.
O'NEILL: Years from now?
DANIEL: Woof?
URGO: There is no way to remove me from your brains. Forget about it.
O'NEILL: What are you doing in our brains in the first place?
URGO: Well, she got it. You got it. I'm here to learn. I'm
here to
experience your world.
DANIEL: So we've been tagged – like we do with animals in the
wild
when we want to study them.
TEAL'C: We are not wild animals.
URGO: Speak for yourself, big fella.
CARTER: Hang on a second. The race who created you and put these
things in our brains. They're gonna want the information
you're
collecting at some point.
URGO: I suppose.
CARTER: So how do they get it?
URGO: You don't want to know.
CARTER: Let's say I do.
URGO: Don't worry. You will never have to find out.
CARTER: Aren't you programmed? I mean, how can you defy your
creators?
URGO: Because they're evil, really scary evil, and we don't
want
anything to do with them.
DANIEL: So maybe, if we contact whoever made the technology….
URGO: That would be bad. Very bad.
O'NEILL: Why should we listen to you?
URGO: Okay, I know that you only like me a little bit, but I like you
a lot and I do not want you to die.
DANIEL: Die?
URGO: Yes, as in dead. They're gonna kill ya. They'll open
your
brains with a big giant can opener, and then they scoop me out with a
big scoopy thing. That's how it works. It's death or me. Me
or death.
You have to decide. Me.. or death.
There's silence.
URGO: Well?
O'NEILL: We're thinking.
Scene: Briefing room
URGO: (Singing) Me me me me me-me me me-me. Me, me, me me me. Me me
me me me-me-me. Me-me me-me me me me me-me me.
O'NEILL: Will you stop it?
URGO: Jeez!
Hammond and Janet look on at Jack gesturing at nothing. An Airman
behind the chair signals to himself and Jack signals back no. Jack
then looks back at Hammond.
O'NEILL: Please.
HAMMOND: So this technology is living vicariously through you?
O'NEILL: I say we risk it all and go back to the planet.
CARTER: What if he's telling the truth about his creators?
O'NEILL: There's no way to get him out of us here, right?
URGO: No. No way.
FRAISER: No.
URGO: See? She knows.
CARTER: maybe there's another way. I haven't had much time to
study
the technology but I could at least try to figure out a way to turn
him off.
URGO: Turn me off?
O'NEILL: Please.
URGO: You're wasting your time. It's impossible! Hey! I got
an idea.
Why don't we play hide and seek? You hide, and I'll, you
know, I'm
not gonna cheat. You know, cos I have….But I'm not gonna.
One, two,
three…
HAMMOND: Whatever you need, Major. Dismissed.
URGO: Four. Five.
CARTER: Thank you.
URGO: Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
He looks up and everyone has left.
Scene: Corridor
CARTER: I don't have time to play, Urgo. I don't care if
I'm "it".
Because I have work to do. No I am not hungry. Look, go eat pie with
Colonel O'Neill. I am very busy right now.
HAMMOND: Major.
CARTER: Hi. I was just talking to Urgo, sir.
HAMMOND: I see.
CARTER: Oh, I wish you did.
FRAISER: All right, look, Urgo, Major Carter would like….
CARTER: Ahh, Janet he's….over here.
FRAISER: Well then Urgo, Major Carter would very much like to be left
alone.
CARTER: Janet, um, as much as I appreciate it, please… Urgo that
is
rude!
FRAISER: What did he say?
CARTER: Uh…. if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.
Sam leaves.
HAMMOND: Doctor, are we entirely sure that the members of SG-1
are…
What's the word?
FRAISER: Sane?
HAMMOND: That's the one.
FRAISER: Yes sir. Remember, everything we hear or see is processed in
the brain. Urgo is creating an image of himself that they're
responding to just like they would you or me.
HAMMOND: If you say so.
Scene: Sam's lab
She picks up a cup of coffee and Urgo appears behind her.
URGO: Way off. Not even close. Not a chance. Forget about it.
Jack, Daniel and Teal'c walk in.
O'NEILL: Carter.
CARTER: I believe I have a solution, sir.
O'NEILL: Please!
CARTER: The electromagnetic field these devices generate indicates
they're still based on electric principles.
URGO: So smart and yet…. So wrong.
CARTER: I don't think so. An EM pulse should do it, sir.
URGO: Ahhh!
Sam pours hot coffee on her hand.
CARTER: Ow!
URGO: Oh! Oooh!
CARTER: Urgo, that's hot!
URGO: I didn't mean to.
CARTER: Yes, you did. Now stop it. Fact is, sir, Urgo's been
trying
to distract like this since I first started thinking about it so
I'm
probably on the right track.
URGO: I hope I didn't hurt you. I'm really sorry.
CARTER: I'll live.
URGO: She forgives me.
CARTER: A strong enough EM pulse can knock out most electronic based
technologies. It would be harmless to us but should render Urgo
impotent.
URGO: Could you, uh… rephrase that?
O'NEILL: Do it!
URGO: Oh please, please don't do this.
Sam goes round the room shutting things off.
URGO: Hey listen. I really didn't mean to scald you. I- I like
you. I
really, really do. Uh, please, it was an accident.
CARTER: This room is shielded so it won't effect any of the
base's
technology.
URGO: Don't do this, please. What can I do to make you like me?
O'NEILL: You sure this won't hurt us?
UEGO: No. It's gonna hurt me.
CARTER: We won't even feel it.
URGO: But I will. I throw myself at your mercy. Please, have mercy.
Ooh I know. I can be smaller.
Urgo appears smaller on the table.
URGO: How's this?
CARTER: Ready?
Urgo reduces in size even more.
URGO: I'm here. Look how teeny-weeny I am! How could anything
this
teeny-weeny hurt anybody?
Urgo suddenly appears behind Jack who jumps.
URGO: Wait! I can be dull. Want me to be dull? What a nice shade of
grey. How about some white bread with mayonnaise? Wanna watch golf on
television?
O'NEILL: Will you flip that switch? [To Carter]
URGO: No. Oh. How about this?
Urgo turns into an Air Force officer who happens to be Peter DeLuise.
URGO: Can you resist this?
Sam pushes a few buttons and Urgo starts to flicker.
URGO: Oh, don't do that. Oh, sacrebleu! I'm melting. I'm
melting!
What a world! What a world…
CARTER: Pulse hasn't gone off yet, Urgo. It's on a timer.
URGO: Oh. How much time do I….
Urgo disappears.
Sam starts to turn screens back on.
DANIEL: That's it?
CARTER: Yep.
TEAL'C: I feel no differently.
O'NEILL: Listen.
CARTER: What?
O'NEILL: Exactly.
DANIEL: Way to go, Sam.
CARTER: We'll see.
Scene: Infirmary
SG-1 are back on the bed. From the left, Jack, Teal'c, Daniel,
Sam.
FRAISER: The devices are still present, but the EM field that was
being emitted by them is gone. Everything else checks out to me.
O'NEILL: Request permission for SG-1 to go back to work, sir.
HAMMOND: Give it a week.
O'NEILL: A week?
Scene: Janet's Office
SG-1 are shown on cameras in their VIP rooms. Teal'c is
meditating,
Daniel is working, Jack is throwing a ball about. Sam is sitting in
front of Janet.
FRAISER: Well.. everything looks normal. How are you feeling?
CARTER: Great. I just want to get back to work.
FRAISER: Well assuming you are cleared by next weekend, Cassandra and
I are going to the lake and we are going to rent a rowboat. Would you
like to come along?
CARTER: Yeah, I'd love to.
FRAISER: Great. Can you send Daniel up next?
CARTER: Yeah, okay.
Sam gets up. She walks out and starts singing `Row, row, row your
boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
Life is….'
On the screen of Jack's VIP room, he also starts to sing.
O'NEILL: Merrily, merrily. Life is but a dream. And row, row, row
your boat…
Janet switches up the sound on the screens.
DANIEL: Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream.
TEAL'C: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Life is but a dream.
Scene: Briefing room
O'NEILL: I was not singing. I'd know if I was singing. I
don't even
know the words to…
Janet switches on a tape. Jack is singing.
O'NEILL: Okay. If you call that singing.
Janet switches the tape off.
O'NEILL: Urgo. [whispers]
Urgo appears next to Janet.
URGO: I couldn't help myself.
Jack drops his head on the table.
O'NEILL: No!
CARTER: I was so sure it would work.
URGO: Oh it did. Don't feel bad. It did work for a while.
Everything
went away. It was very sad. Very, very sad. And then all of a sudden,
I was back in your brains, where I belong.
CARTER: The system must have some sort of reset. I'm sorry.
HAMMOND: I'm sorry too, because as long as that device is capable
of
influencing you in any way, you're relieved of active duty.
O'NEILL: Oh General, is that really necessary?
HAMMOND: I believe it is. Whether you admit it or not, you've
been
compromised. The fact is, an alien entity has control over you –
however limited. We don't know what it's capable of.
CARTER: He can't actually make us do anything we don't want
to, sir.
FRAISER: Then why did I have to treat your arm for a burn? Didn't
you
say Urgo was responsible?
URGO: I didn't mean to.
O'NEILL/DANIEL/CARTER: He didn't mean to.
TEAL'C: It was not his intention.
Urgo gives Teal'c a thumbs up.
HAMMOND: I trust I've made my point.
O'NEILL: Come on Urgo. Be a mensch. How do we get rid of ya?
URGO: I have no idea. I really… I just don't know.
CARTER: He really may not know, sir.
O'NEILL: How could he not know?
CARTER: He's just the program.
O'NEILL: Program?
CARTER: All I'm saying is that your software doesn't know how
your
computer works.
O'NEILL: Hey! My software doesn't make me sing Row, Row, Row
Your
Boat.
URGO: Please. Please don't fight. I'm here. What's the
difference
how? Look, I'm not gonna make another noise. Not a peep. Nothing.
I'm
gonna be quiet, like a little tiny mouse – not a peep. Watch.
I've
got an idea! Why don't we play a game – some sort of a
wonderful
game? Something with a dictionary, it's so much fun. You know,
you
get a word and….you write what you think the word is. Oh,
it's a lot
of laughs – and educational. It's really nice. I think
you'll like it.
Scene: Control Room
TECH ALBERTS: Chevron seven encoded and locked.
The Gate engages and the MALP goes through.
SG-1 are in the control room looking at a video of the MALP going
through the Gate.
URGO: What's that?
CARTER: Actually, that's our version of you.
URGO: But not as suave and sophisticated, n'est-ce pas?
CARTER: It's equipped with sensors, video camera, microphone. We
use
it to explore in much the same way you do.
O'NEILL: Carter.
CARTER: Sorry. I don't know why I was telling him that.
O'NEILL: Hello.
The MALP reaches the other side and we see the paradise beach again.
URGO: Oh, how beautiful. Can we go there?
CARTER: It's an illusion. Your creators do this in order to lure
people into their trap.
URGO: See, I told you they were mean. That's mean!
TECH ALBERTS: The MALP is online, General.
Hammond speaks over the microphone.
HAMMOND: This is General Hammond of the planet Earth. We know the
images being transmitted to us are false. We request a dialogue.
Please respond.
URGO: [whispers] Why is he doing that?
DANIEL: We're trying to communicate with your creators.
URGO: No. Bad. No.
DANIEL: It's our last alternative before we resort to actually
going
back there.
URGO: [To Jack] You know, you were just thinking about that island
Maui, with the big beaches and little bikinis. That's where we
should
go because it's very nice and warm there – instead of being
here.
Sam turns to look at Jack and smiles. Jack shrugs as if to say he
doesn't know what Urgo is talking about.
TOGAR: Who dares challenge Togar?
URGO: [whispers] That voice. That's him!
HAMMOND: Dr Jackson?
Daniel goes over to the mic.
DANIEL: This is Dr Daniel Jackson. We don't mean to challenge
you.
We've discovered the devices you implanted in our brains.
We'd like
you to remove them. Him.
TOGAR: Him?
DANIEL: Urgo.
TOGAR: How do you know this name?
DANIEL: He told us. He interacts with us.
O'NEILL: He's driving us crazy.
TOGAR: That is an error. Return the subjects. Urgo will be removed.
The Gate closes.
O'NEILL: You heard the man.
CARTER: Sir, we could be risking our lives.
O'NEILL: Okay. Let's ask the question: Do we wanna give up
SG-1 and
walk around the rest of our lives with him yappin' away in our
heads?
URGO: [whispers to Sam] Yes. Say yes.
O'NEILL: Or….do we take the risk and try to find a way to get
rid of
him so we can get on with our lives?
URGO: [whispers to Sam] No. Say no.
DANIEL: Sorry… Urgo.
O'NEILL: That's good enough. Teal'c?
TEAL'C: If we are to remain in the service of this world, Urgo
must
be removed.
URGO: Sam. Sammy. You like me. I remind you of your Uncle Irving.
Bubelah! [pop] Remember?
CARTER: Yeah, I guess you do a little.
O'NEILL: Carter.
CARTER: Sorry. Sorry…. I guess I say we go.
HAMMOND: Then it's settled.
Scene: SG1 Locker Room
Sg-1 are getting ready.
DANIEL: What do you suppose Togar really meant by "an error"?
CARTER: I suppose he meant Urgo wasn't supposed to be interacting
with us.
URGO: Oh please. Please don't go. He's gonna kill you. He
really
will. He's nasty. It'll be a painful and awful death. Honest.
Okay,
okay. Fine. He's gonna kill me. You heard him! Oh, you people,
for
cryin' out loud. Don't you have any feelings?
CARTER: Do you?
O'NEILL: Carter! Why do you humour him? He's obviously
programmed for
self preservation.
CARTER: Sir, that voice, Togar, said that this was an error.
We're
probably not even supposed to know he's here. You aren't
supposed to
be interacting with us, are you?
URGO: Well, um… Actually, when I first, uh…and we got to be
f…
Technically? No.
CARTER: Can you describe how you're feeling right now?
URGO: Me? Nervous. Agitated. A little hungry.
DANIEL: Afraid?
URGO: Oh sure. Okay.
CARTER: Of what?
URGO: Oh, going away, like last time. Not experiencing. Not being
here with you.
CARTER: Of death?
URGO: Ooh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Big time. He's gonna kill me
and
that's why…that death thing keeps popping up.
CARTER: Sir…
O'NEILL: Carter.
DANIEL: Wait a minute Jack.
O'NEILL: Daniel.
DANIEL: By definition, what constitutes a sentient life form?
CARTER: Self awareness. Consciousness.
URGO: I'm me. No doubt about that. What else?
CARTER: The ability to think independently.
URGO: I'm independent. I just, you know… like company.
DANIEL: Fear of death.
URGO: I got that too!
Jack gets up.
O'NEILL: You're not going to convince me it's alive. Look!
Jack waves him arms through Urgo.
URGO: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
O'NEILL: He's not really here. He's here. In our heads.
DANIEL: There are plenty of life forms that require other life forms
to live.
TEAL'C: Then you are a parasite. Like the Goa'uld.
URGO: [mocks Teal'c] A parasite. Like the goa'uld.
CARTER: Or a Tok'ra. I mean, just being parasitical by nature
doesn't
make you inherently bad.
O'NEILL: It's a machine.
URGO: That hurts.
CARTER: Sir, he's artificial intelligence but just because
somebody
made him doesn't mean he isn't alive.
URGO: Listen to her!
O'NEILL: So what are you saying?
CARTER: I'm saying we should consider it. Maybe this error
wasn't
really an error at all, but rather some kind of higher technological
evolution. The birth of a whole new life form.
DANIEL: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I agree
with Sam.
O'NEILL: What?
CARTER: Well Sir, it's just..
O'NEILL: No! Hammond said it. We've been compromised. Now we
explain
the situation to this Toga and we let him deal with Hugo once
he's
out of our heads.
DANIEL: Urgo.
O'NEILL: Urgo.
Jack goes to pick up his jacket.
O'NEILL: Let's go.
URGO: Oh. I'm doomed.
Scene: Planet
SG-1 step through the Gate. A beam suddenly activates and deposits
them in a lab without their jackets and weapons.
O'NEILL: I hate it when that happens.
URGO: Oh, this is bad. This is very bad. Very bad.
A door then opens.
TOGAR: Do not move or I will render you unconscious. If necessary.
DANIEL: You're Togar?
TOGAR: Yes! Togar.
URGO: As handsome as he is evil.
TEAL'C: There is no reason to fear us.
TOGAR: I fear you not.
Togar whistles and the door closes.
URGO: Ooh, he's a madman. He's an evil, terrible madman. Run
for your
lives.
TOGAR: I hear you. Be silent.
O'NEILL: Wait! You hear him?
TOGAR: Yes. Hear and see.
DANIEL: Then you should be able to see he's afraid.
TOGAR: Relocate. Hmm.
URGO: While I'm being silent, Togar, I'd like to point out,
when I
called you a madman, I meant it in the nicest possible way.
Togar walks over to a glass dome.
TOGAR: Come. Come forward. Come forth. Stay.
He waves his hand over the dome and an animal appears.
TOGAR: Watch.
A laser comes into the animals head and removes the implant without
hurting it,
TOGAR: Urgo… is this. The specimen is unharmed.
He waves his hand and the animal disappears.
TOGAR: As you will be.
DANIEL: What about Urgo?
TOGAR: It will be destroyed.
URGO: See? What'd I tell you? Oh please, don't let him do
this to me.
Teal'c? Help. Kree! Jump him. Give him a double Jaffa-jaffa kick.
Go
on.
CARTER: The technology you invented is very advanced.
TOGAR: Yes.
URGO: It's because they're all too scared to go out and
experience
things for themselves.
TOGAR: Enough!
DANIEL: Look, we're very grateful that you're willing to take
Urgo
out of our minds.
CARTER: The point is, we think Urgo may actually be alive.
TOGAR: He is an error.
CARTER: Maybe he is. Another word for it might be miracle.
TOGAR: That is ridiculous.
CARTER: Well, what you call an error has somehow resulted in life.
He's self aware, he's acting and thinking independently,
he's afraid
of his own death. By any definition, he's acting alive.
O'NEILL: All we're saying is that maybe there's a way of
doing this
without…. Killing him.
TOGAR: There is not!
O'NEILL: Okay. Had to ask.
CARTER: I don't understand. Why not?
TOGAR: The unit must be in a life form. It cannot exist on it's
own.
CARTER: There has to be some way. You created it.
DANIEL: You'd be killing something you gave life.
URGO: Dad…..
Togar looks at Urgo.
URGO: That's a terrible idea. I'd rather die a painful and
horrible
death.
DANIEL: It was just a thought.
URGO: I wanna live. I wanna experience the universe and I wanna eat
pie.
O'NEILL: Who doesn't?
TOGAR: Enough babbling. Explain.
DANIEL: I was just thinking that maybe you'd wanna put Urgo in..
you.
URGO: No! No, I wouldn't do that. I'd rather be in that
little… and
the eyes… No!
TOGAR: The purpose of the technology is to observe and explore.
CARTER: But the technology is different now.
DANIEL: Look, we don't know you very well, but I get the distinct
feeling Urgo is everything you're not.
URGO: You can say that again.
DANIEL: But I think he's everything you wish you were. Outgoing,
adventuresome.
O'NEILL: Annoying.
DANIEL: Look, it would be a chance to change. To maybe…
experience
some of the things you're afraid to do yourself.
TOGAR: No! Not afraid.
TEAL'C: Why do you not explore worlds through the Stargate
yourself?
TOGAR: It could help me learn how the error occurred.
CARTER: Then you'll do it?
TOGAR: I could try.
URGO: Count me out. I don't wanna do it. He's mean and
boring..and..
and..and mean.
O'NEILL: We're giving you a chance here. Him or death?
URGO: No, I …..
O'NEILL: Death or him?
URGO: Oh dear.
O'NEILL: Well?
URGO: I'm thinking. He's so.. so… uh…
O'NEILL: Mean?
URGO: Yeah.
O'NEILL: Boring?
URGO: Mmmm.
O'NEILL: So change him.
URGO: Me change him? Ha ha ha ha ha. Okay, I'll do it.
O'NEILL: Urgo thinks it's a great idea and I'm sure
you'll enjoy his
presence as much as we have.
URGO: See, I knew it. I knew you liked me. I was right.
O'NEILL: Maybe….. a little.
URGO: How about a hug?
O'NEILL: Don't push it.
Scene: Lab
Togar is standing under a laser receiving the implants from SG-1. Sg-
1 come out from the lasers and look round.
DANIEL: Urgo?
TOGAR: Urgo is here.
URGO: I'm here! I'm here!
O'NEILL: Well, Togar… Thanks for your hospitality. We
appreciate it.
TOGAR: I will return you to your planet now.
DANIEL: Wait, Togar. How do we know Urgo's really alive?
URGO: I'm here! I'm here! Tell `em. Tell `em!
TOGAR: I will, as soon as you are quiet.
O'NEILL/DANIEL: He's alive.
TOGAR: Urgo says…. Goodbye, and I say… thank you.
DANIEL: Bye Urgo.
Urgo waves.
CARTER: I was thinking, now we've got to know each other and
helped
each other out maybe we could share some information about our
respective…
Togar blinks and Sam and Teal'c disappear. Jack and Daniel follow.
URGO: Ohh, I'm gonna miss `em! Hey, I know. Why don't
we…..
TOGAR: No!
URGO: Why not?
TOGAR: No!
URGO: It'll be fun and exciting.
TOGAR: No!
URGO: Are you sure we're thinking the same thing?
TOGAR: Positive.
URGO: But you don't know what you're missing!
Scene: Gateroom.
Hammond and Alberts are looking at the MALP. SG-1 come through the
Gate.
HAMMOND: Stand down.
TANNOY: Quarantine stand by.
HAMMOND: Glad you're back safe, SG-1. Was the mission successful?
O'NEILL: Uh…
CARTER: General, didn't we just…?
HAMMOND: You've been gone over ten hours, Major.
CARTER: Oh boy.
HAMMOND: Report to the infirmary.
O'NEILL: Yes, sir.
THE END
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